Gratitude During COVID

Louisiana has extended the stay-at-home order until May 15th... UGH. So, I thought it was time for a list of gratitude to combat the craziness. Here goes...

(This image was found on Google. I do not own this image.)

Elisabeth's List of Gratitude: (in no particular order)

1) I started working out again.
2) I started drinking more water! 16 to 20 cups a day!
3) Tanner is working 4 10 hour days instead and gets Friday's off (usually) giving us more time to spend together as a family.
4) Tanner only has 14(ish) weeks of Greek left! (Last class of Greek will be over the Summer semester.)
5) Eden is beginning to go in the potty... all of her own desires. We've had the potty for a month and she had practiced sitting on it.. now she WANTS to sit on it and go potty. (The first time she made me sit on the regular potty while she sat on hers. Haha!)
6) My sister-in-law is back to work at her chef job!
7) Tanner has not lost his job at any point because of COVID (the drop in oil prices may change things in the future.. but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. God will always provide.)
8) Zoom. Because of Zoom, we can meet with our friends and still go a version of game night or Life Group or do a devo with the Youth Group.
9) Because of my renewed healthy lifestyle goals and plan, I have lost 3 pounds so far!
10) I'm learning more about Instagram and how to use it to accomplish personal goals.
11) I've stayed with the Riverside Bible Reading Plan! This is the first time I have read my Bible EVERY DAY. I am SO thankful that Riverside came up with this plan at the end of last year to start January 1st. Getting in God's word is SO important and something I've struggled with all of my life.
12) Tanner has done a workout with me and gone on a walk with me and Eden!
13) We started gardening.. sort of. We currently have chives, green onions, spring mix, and basil in pots that are growing! (Thank you Kaylee for the green onion, spring mix lettuce, and basil!) Soon we will have gold potatoes and hopefully spearmint as well! (Still looking for a citronella plant...)
14) Tanner and I did much needed yard work to hopefully make our swamp of a backyard into something Eden can play in.
15) My sister is getting married!! I am over the moon excited for her and her husband to be.
16) DAVE RAMSEY. I can not imagine the kind of bind we would be in if it wasn't for Financial Peace University. I am SO grateful we took it years ago and recently lead our own class and got back to being more Gazelle intense.
17) Online shopping. I am still able to get what I need without the insanity of going places.
18) Family and Friends... just having them is amazing.
19) Coffee. GOOD coffee. And I am grateful that the small company I have become obsessed with (Expedition Roasters) is still up and running as much as they can so I can get my flavored/themed coffee fix on the days I want THE GOOD STUFF. (Seriously. Go check them out. So worth it.)
20) Tanner. He does so much for Eden and me.. working every day and schooling when he gets home while still trying to carve out some family time and us time. He is so good to me. I couldn't have asked for anyone better. I am so grateful for him and that he is the Godly man he is.
21) Eden. I am so grateful that God gave us her. While we have our good and bad days, I am always grateful to be her mom. She is so precious, and smart, and gorgeous and I love her more than words can express.

Well, there you have it. My list of gratitude. This was really great for me and I challenge you to do the same. Remind yourself of all the good in your life and that no matter what GOD IS GOOD. He is sovereign over all of this and he works all things for good. To God be the glory. Amen.

Day 11 of Who Knows How Long...

It's day 11 of the Stay-at-Home order here in Louisiana. There is something psychological that happened when this order hit. Though my life didn't change very much, already being at home most of the time anyway, the thought that I shouldn't go anywhere or invite anyone over made me a little crazy. All of the things I would have done, all of the events that were canceled, not being to go to the church building on Sunday and fellowship with my church family in person, having to really plan what to get at the store and when to avoid all the insanity; it all just boggles my mind a little. And in short, it makes me SO SAD.

I'm sad for my sister who didn't get to go back to Harding after Spring Break and show off her engagement ring and do all the fun things that go with that. I'm sad that she won't get to be Piper Meredith again because everything got canceled. I'm sad that her graduation that she worked so hard for was pushed to August.

I'm sad for all the seniors in High School who are missing all the fun things that come right before graduation.

I'm sad for all the kids who will be moving to different schools next year and are missing these last few weeks with the friends at their current school.

I'm sad that the Women's Retreat was postponed until January. I'm sad that the Youth Beach Retreat was canceled.

I'm sad that people are losing their jobs. I'm sad that people are trying to figure out how to work from home and home school their kids at the same time. I'm sad that hours are being cut and people are suffering.

Y'all. I'm SAD.

However, it's okay to be sad. And while God is sovereign over everything (EVEN COVID-19), there is a period of mourning that is allowed to happen. We NEED to mourn the things that we are missing out on. To try and move on without acknowledging the grief of all that we were looking forward to would truly be insanity.

So, if you're at home and you're not being as productive as you could be. It's okay. If you're just sad and want to sit on the couch and binge watch shows. It's okay. Take the time to mourn. Take the time to grieve the loss.

But whatever you do, DON'T STAY THERE. Grieve and let God heal you, then get back up and LIVE. We may not be able to do all the things we want to, but there are lots of things we can do. Pick up that to do list of things you keep putting off because you never have time. Call a friend. Video chat with a friend! Take a walk outside. Have a picnic outside. Enjoy the time you now have with your family.

In all things, PRAISE GOD for he is GOOD.

Exhausted

I have the best job in the world. Being a stay-at-home mom is really the best.

It's also the hardest job in the world.

There are no words of wisdom or warnings or anything that could have prepared me enough for this job. Especially now that my wonderful 9 (closer to 10! 😭 ) month old is crawling and pulling up on everything. And trust me when I say, I was warned and I believed all the warnings.

My job is the most rewarding and the most exhausting. Because it's not just about raising her, and keeping her fed, and changed, and bathed, and healthy, and out of trouble, and alive. Nope. It also means that I am the manger of the house. Which means keeping the house clean (and hopefully company ready), doing the dishes, doing the laundry (and putting it away), doing the budget and paying the bills and managing our finances (because I'm the nerd and it's just what I do), making dinner, planning meals, grocery shopping, keeping the calendar (again.. I just like to be organized and make sure we don't double book or anything), and organizing the house. Then, of course, I have to take care of myself! Which means, making sure I eat (healthy), getting some exercise in, and making sure to take a shower hopefully once a day, and try to squeeze in some me time so I don't go completely insane. By the end of the day, I don't want to do anything except sit on the couch and watch something or read a book.

And as an insight, as I write this, I still haven't gotten my exercise or shower in.. so I'm still in my workout clothes..

And let me tell you. There is nothing like a small child to open your eyes to the mess and chaos of your home. It doesn't matter if you have hardwood (or a look-a-like), tile, concrete, or carpet; your floors are dirty. SO dirty. I am struggling to even wrap my brain around how to get my floors clean so I don't have to wipe her little hands and feet off all the time. Because I can't just vacuum them.. No.. That would be too easy. With my downstairs (which is where we are 99.99% of the time), we have vinyl that looks like hardwood. (I struggle to see why it's such a fad..) So, not only do I have to vacuum or sweep the floors, I have to mop them as well! Add all of her toys and such that I need to pick up or do something with before I clean the floors and my brain just spazzes out.
(Seriously.. give me carpet any day over these floors.. not to mention, carpet is softer to fall on. 😛 Though I do understand them in the eating, bathroom, and kitchen areas.)

It doesn't stop at the floors either! They learn to pull up, and you realize even more that the nicely organized shelves are no longer safe for.. well.. anything. So, now you need to find a new place in your home or buy new furniture so you have a safe place for the things in those now easy to reach places. For example. I have craft shelves with gel pens and cards and such. There is currently and obstacle in front of these, yet my dear Eden has still managed to find a way to try and grab them. So, I'm shopping storage furniture as there isn't another good place for these things.

It's enough to make one dizzy or go mad. And I'm exhausted.

This is where I take a deep breath.

Because I'm not doing all of this completely alone. I have a wonderful husband who works daily to bring home paychecks to make this all possible. I couldn't be home with our baby girl if it wasn't for him. He's the best.

I have friends and family that are willing to help if only I'd reach out to them and ask. (I'm really bad at asking...)

And most importantly, I have God on my side. He is the giver of life and peace and the great provider. He is mighty!

So, if you read this and can empathize with my plight. If you can relate on so many levels. If it sounds like exactly what you're going through as well. First of all, you're amazing! Remember that you are loved and that you have the almighty God on your side. He will lift you up and walk right beside you. Reach out to your family and friends when you are feeling overwhelmed and in over your head. (I know I need to.) You're not alone. We are better together.

And if you have any helpful suggestions on any of my predicaments, seriously, leave a comment! Shoot me a message! Find a way to let me know! Because I'm all ears! 99% of the time, you know something that I would never have thought of in a million years. So, thank you in advance!

To all of my exhausted parent friends out there, you got this. Keep on keeping on.

"Hate your Father and Mother."

This past Sunday I looked over during worship and saw one of our friends with his grandson. They both had the biggest smiles on their faces. It was the cutest thing, and while I was filled with joy at watching them, my heart sunk. I SO LONG for that to be Eden and her grandparents!

But a thought occurred to me as I watched them and wallowed in my longing. It was almost audible.

"Hate your Father and Mother."

Which I acknowledged as a reference to Luke 14:26.

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. (ESV)

I have always had difficulty with the verse because I love so deeply. I understood it as in comparison to my love of Christ my love of my family looks like hate, but it always bothered me a little.

But sitting there in the "pew" chair feeling sad that I wasn't closer to family, I had a realization of what that verse meant. Doing ministry is almost equivalent to "hating" my father and mother.

God has us here in this place for a specific reason. He has a plan for us, and that plan has us here. Tanner is now Ministry Leader of the Youth and is working alongside of the Youth Minister while he works on his Bible degree through Harding University's online program. I am still involved with the youth and the women's ministry as much as I can be with our delightful baby girl.

I can not do what God has called me to do if I am caught up in longing to be somewhere else. If I am preoccupied with wishing that I lived closer to my parents (or his parents), I can not spread the love of Christ to those around me.

So, as much as I want to be closer to my family, I will be happy with the times I can see them and choose to focus on where I am and what God has for me to do. He put me here for a reason and I know he has big plans for me and my family. I just have to remember to focus on HIM first so that he can use me to spread his Kingdom.

I Have an Addiction.

I have an addiction. It's hard for me to admit. However, I've been dealing with this for a long time. Probably since High School. I didn't know I was.

My addiction: Food.

I am addicted to food. Yes, food is something we can't live without. I, however, end up eating things simply because they taste good or I feel like munching on something. Seriously, if I get a bag of chips in my hand, I don't want to stop eating. I almost ate a whole bag of white cheddar SKINNY POP popcorn in one sitting!

I even took the ALCAT test to tell me what I shouldn't be eating to help me be healthier. I found out that my body reacts the same way to Gluten and Strawberries as it would to Ebola. I got a whole list of  thing that essentially poison my body, at least a little, if I eat them. This list unfortunately includes: watermelon, cantaloupe, sweet potatoes, potatoes, grapes, soybean (soy), dairy, grapefruit, peanuts, almonds, apples, blueberries, turkey, plums, pecans, honeydew melon, cocoa, crab, cumin, honey, lobster, mango, pears, raspberries, spinach, tuna, wild rice, and a few others. <-- HARD!!!!

You can see how my attempt to become health quickly spiraled into hopelessness. Which then became, "I give up."

Why? Because I LOVE watermelon, strawberries, pizza, buttered bread, cantaloupe, fires, mashed potatoes, chocolate, s'mores, chips, butter on my popcorn, smoothies, ice cream, ect. I don't want to give them up.

I found that when Tanner is sleeping upstairs, because of his mouth still healing from the wisdom teeth extraction, I sit on the couch, watch TV and hear food calling my name. We don't even have a whole bunch of food in the house at the moment, but we do have pudding, fudge bars, popsicles, popcorn, soda... they all call my name. I get the munchies BAD.

Know that I have admitted to myself those three words that no one wants to ever admit, I am addicted, I realize that I'm not the only one.

Apparently, my great-grandfather on both sides of my family were alcoholics. This resulted in practically all of my family not drinking. I know my family has tried some of it, but it was never in the house and it was something that was looked down upon. However, I think my family got so focused on not becoming addicted to alcohol that we didn't address the fact that you can become addicted to other things.

In my opinion, food became our addiction. Growing up, we ate out a LOT. So much so, that when I got married, cooking meals for my wonderful husband was hard for me, I didn't know what to make or how to make much of anything. I know how to make cookies, brownies, pasta, tv dinners, and canned chili or soup.

My sister, when she was little, could see a "MiMiDonal's" (McDonald's) from a mile away. She knew what those golden arches were and she knew the "fri fies" that awaited for her inside.

The hardest thing, I think, about admitting that I am addicted to food is that food is essential to life. How do you break an addiction when you need the thing you are addicted to?! I know I could eat healthier and I could try and follow my list, but even then I could still over eat. I CAN have popcorn, but I probably shouldn't have a whole bag full of it which is what I would want to do.

It's almost like I need a 12 step program to learn how to deal with food.

If you have any suggestions or help or even encouragements, they would be greatly appreciated.

It would also be appreciated if you would pray for me as I try and figure out how to deal with this and get myself healthy.

God is good. His love endures forever.

Another Day, Another Lie.

Lately, I have been struggling with feeling like I really stink at relationships. I feel like I can't get close to anyone. If I do, I'm just going to get hurt all over again. However, I do feel the GREAT need to have a best friend(s). I know I need to open up and I know I need to let people in.

I keep hearing, "No one really wants to know you. Why would they care? They don't want to have a deep relationship! Who does? You're too different. Too messed up. Let them know about your struggles? HA! They won't want anything to do with you if they knew. If you say anything about you're struggles or anything that could be negative about your life, you're not being a good wife. You're making your husband look bad. Weren't you told not to disrespect your husband? You wouldn't want to do that, right?"

 I am finding it hard to trust. I've been hurt so bad in my past that I don't know how to let someone in completely. I don't know how to fully open my heart to someone. Even with my husband sometimes! Granted, I have grown tremendously in the past two years; I still have a long way to go.

Tanner has been meeting with a men's bible study group and with a friend weekly. It's so amazing to see him grow and see the bonds he is creating. I long to have that. I know I need to have someone that I can do that with. Unfortunately, every time I go to consider who I might be able to form that kind of deep relationship with, I get an overwhelming feeling that no one will want that kind of relationship with me; no one would really want to talk to me.

Then the reminders of the pain and the past relationships that ended with my being back-stabbed, trampled on, and overall hurt time and time again.

I built up so many walls that even I don't know where they end anymore. I don't know how to trust someone other than God, my husband, and my parents and sister with my heart anymore. I don't know how to be vulnerable. I have become so guarded that I carefully examine what I am going to say/expose to who and what they may do with it. This also only happens when I feel it is absolutely necessary.

God put a desire in me, however, to be with others who know me, who I can open up to and be vulnerable with. I have been relying on my family and Tanner to fill this desire, though the brunt falls on Tanner. I know this isn't fair to him. He can't be my husband and my "girlfriend." I know that God fills most of the desire, but He desires us to be in community with each other and thus the desire isn't completely filled.

Perhaps my problem is that I don't know what have a "girlfriend" looks or feels like when it is a healthy relationship. My fear of being hurt again holds me back. My past looms over me, reminding me of all the other times I've tried and it failing. I can't hardly talk about it without choking up.

Recently, I told the girls in my small group about the last time I thought I had a good friend and how it ended in hurt and then said "friend" turning all but one of my supposed friends against me. I felt my voice break near the end. I didn't realize how sore a subject it still was, that the wound from that still hasn't healed.

It was HARD to tell them that story even though it was short and summarized into two sentences. I am so grateful to the other woman in that group and how she spoke to my wound in saying that none of the girls (or her) would do anything like that to me. I felt so loved and encouraged.

But the lies still remain. I am still hesitant to let them any deeper. I still hear Satan whispering in my ear.

"You're too much for them. You're too messy for them. If only they knew the rest. They would look at you with pity and disgust. They wouldn't want to talk to you again. You have nothing to offer them."

I know that God can heal all things. Through His power I can overcome this, but I'm not completely sure that I can do it without the help of another God-filled woman.

I pray that you don't hear these lies. If you do, I pray you may overcome them. I pray that you don't walk away from every conversation think that you are the most awkward person in the world as I do. And I hope that you will pray for me as I continue on this journey.

Keep on keeping on.

Hello, 2015!

It's day two of 2015. Unfortunately, it is a Friday and thus my wonderful husband is at work. However, the first day of 2015 was spent with my delightful family. My husband, obviously, my dad, my mom, and my sister. As well as her boyfriend, Kyle, who is quite a wonderful guy. :)

Thinking about the past year, a lot has things have happened! Tanner and I have lived in our wonderful house for a year, we got our adorable, sometimes frustrating, puppy, Ruby. Our house has a couple of new bookshelves, and a new table, as well as carpet upstairs. I got a job and then a new job, which I start Monday! (I'm super excited about it, if you couldn't tell.)

Another thing I did this past year was get my blood tested with the ALCAT test which tells you which foods your body is reacting to. For example, some foods (different for everyone) will make your white blood cells react in the same way that they would to Ebola. Crazy right? Anyway, I have gotten my results back and thankfully there are only a few things that I can't have. Unfortunately, one of those things in gluten. :P

While I was waiting for the results, however, I had been counting calories and taking a supplement to help suppress my appetite. Just doing that I lost 6 pounds in 3 weeks! It was great! Though I ignored everything for the past two weeks, I only gained back 3.

But now it's back to it. And once all the leftovers are gone and I can find more gluten free, potato free, dairy free, and all the other stuff I can't have free recipes, I will purge those as well!

So, hello, 2015! I think this is going to be a good year. :)

Keep on keeping on.

I Want to Eat.

So, I've been counting calories. Again. This time my goal is 1100 calories a day. If I keep it up, it shouldn't be too long before I hit my goal weight.

However, I really just want to eat. Cupcakes and pizza and nachos and hot dogs... Do y'all know how many calories those are?! A hot dog with nothing on it is 297 calories. An OUNCE of spaghetti is 100 calories! Honestly, why are they so high in calories?! Couldn't losing weight be simpler?

Granted I haven't done a whole lot of research and I've only been doing this a week, but come on! Thankfully, I will be getting my list of food intolerances pretty soon. That will help a LOT! Then I will have a different reason for not being able to eat certain foods than they just come with an enormous amount of calories.

Of course, then I will have to work around all of that to figure out what to buy at the grocery store and what meals we can eat.

I am just ready for Christmas. I've decided that is my one day (perhaps days) that I will not concern myself with calories or intolerances! All I shall concern myself with is spending time with my family. Even if it's snowing and insanely cold outside. Did I mention we are going to Ohio this year? Yeah. I'll be shipped back as a human ice cube.

Stay warm! ;)

(Also, if y'all have any low calorie recipes, I'd love to know about them! Thanks! :D )

Update 12/9:

I have lost 3 pounds in two weeks as of today! I'm out of the 180s! Needless to say, I am doing my happy dance. Woo hoo!!

It's Just One of Those Days

Do you ever have those days when the knot in your stomach just won't go away? Yep. That's been my day.

I had to pay my first ever ticket today. Of course, I was a little nervous. I think the knots would have gone away after if it hadn't been for the other things weighing on my mind. Credit Card bills (of which I know, without a doubt now, is from the devil), not knowing exactly how much I am getting paid on Thursday, uncertainty about what exactly is going to happen at work tomorrow, and the fact that I have an interview tomorrow and I'm not sure what is going to happen there or what/if I need to bring anything.

Thus, I haven't wanted to do anything at all today. My stomach is still in knots and I no longer know what to do with myself. I'm praying everything will be fine.. I have faith it will. I know God is on our side. I keep telling myself, "Green pastures, Elisabeth. Green pastures."

Guys, I miss my family. I REALLY want to go to Dallas one weekend SOON! However, I know I have responsibilities here. I get off work at 6pm which, if we left right then, would get us there at midnight at the earliest. I have committed to working with the youth group and doing small groups on Sunday mornings after service. Dont' get me wrong, I love working with the kids! They are great! I love watching them grow both physically and spiritually! On the other hand, I missed my sister's last Homecoming Game. I haven't been to one of her performances at a football game (or any other place) this year! She's a senior! She now has a boyfriend! SHE'S GROWING UP TOO FAST! (Yes I know I'm only her older sister and not her mother.)

I really want to see one of her performances! I don't want to next time I see my family being Thanksgiving! That's simply much too far away! I miss getting to see my baby cousins grow up! I miss constantly being around family!

I know I have my church family, and I am so grateful for that. I love them dearly. There is just something about biological family that no one else can fully replace.

I know I shouldn't be super concerned with our finances.. but it weighs on my mind. If I just hadn't gotten that stupid ticket! The whole situation could have been handled without the police, but some people just get so upset and enraged!

It's just been one of those days. I'm just in a slump. I know God will help me and I know he is faithful. I just have to keep on going.

Keep on keeping on. <3

God is Good! His Love Endures Forever!

This past weekend, Tanner and I made the trip up to Ohio to spend time with his family and to go up to Michigan to hear Ray Vander Laan speak at Gull Lake Ministries! We went up Wednesday night and got back home Tuesday night. I would love to say that we had a wonderful flight and lots of time to spend with his family because we flew; sadly, I can not. We were unable to board the plane to get up to Ohio, so we drove. 16 weary hours. What is worse is that we left after our plane was supposed to leave. Yes. We drove all night. From 6:40pm to 12pm the next day. I think I got about 1 and 1/2 hours of sleep... maybe. Tanner only got about 1 or 2 hours. I will never do that again. Ever.

So, we got there, rested for maybe 10 minutes and then kept on going. My mother-in-law threw a Scentsy party for me and Tanner got to spend some time with his best friend! It was pretty fun. His whole family (well, most of it) was there and the guys talked while us girls talked Scentsy.

Friday, we went up to Michigan and met my parents and sister at Gull Lake Ministries. My family and I went two years ago (which is crazy since it is so close to where Tanner lived.. small world!) and loved it, so I was super excited for this year! There we listened to Ray Vander Laan speak for 8 sessions! He spoke that night, Saturday morning, twice in the afternoon, Saturday night, Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Monday morning! Listening to him is like standing in front of a fire hose! There is so much to learn from him! He studied under a Jewish Rabbi for a while and has taught High School Bible for 37 years! He takes tours over to Israel! And I'm sure that is just a portion of all that he has done! (Check him out at www.followtherabbi.com!) My sister and I both bought brand new notebooks to take notes in, and she filled hers half way up! I didn't write as much, but that is because I am a terrible note taker and I can only write down so much that will be coherent later. As you can assume, this was a terrible burden in High School. Ha ha!

Anyway, a short thing that I learned this time around was that the green pastures is not what we think. What it would mean to an easterner is a lot of  green tufts of grass growing up in the desert (because that is where the shepherds have their sheep since there is limited farm land) from in between rocks where the water had pooled from the rare rain. So it's not that God plops us belly deep into alfalfa; He gives us enough for today and will provide for later. This really took root in me! Especially with the new house and all it's payments and bills. Like today, I realized that Tanner had spent more than I thought he did getting my oil changed and washing my car and getting a few needed groceries, because that is the wonderful husband that he is, and we didn't have enough to pay what bills we needed to pay before Tanner gets his next paycheck. After digging up all the change and cash I could and putting in the back and we still didn't have enough, I just looked to the sky and said, "God, I trust you wholly." Tanner then texted me later saying that his boss gave him an amount of money for the some scrap metal. With that added, we had enough for the bills and some groceries to last us until next paycheck. I almost cried, saying, "God is good! His love endures forever! He makes me lie down in green pastures! Thank you, God!" It was an awesome experience.

After parting with my parents and shoving all our belongings into the car, we drove back to Ohio to spend the rest of Monday with Tanner's family. When we woke up the next morning, planning to leave at 7:30am, his dad made blueberry pancakes and thick, wonderful bacon! Then we started loading the car. This is when Tanner realized that he had left his door open all night. Normally, that would have been fine, but it had rained all night. His seat was soaked, the back was soaked, my camera bag was wet (thankfully my camera and everything in it was fine), my purse was wet (again, thankfully nothing inside was too wet), the mirror that my mom had bought was wet... It totally ruined the morning. We dried everything off as best we could, though his Monte Carlo has fabric seats and not leather seats.. but that could be a good and bad thing when it comes to water, and put a tarp and towel on the seat to keep the water from getting on us as we drove. After we carefully loaded everything in the car, met Emily's, my sister-in-law, new goat, and said our goodbyes, we drove off home bound. We got in at about midnight and unloaded only the necessities, rolling the windows down and keeping the sunroof open so the car could dry out over night and the next day in the garage, and went straight to bed. The back of the car is still wet and Tanner is working on ways to dry it out as I type. This includes kitty litter and a probably a whole roll of paper towels. This should be interesting.. ha ha! I trust him. :)

All in all, it was a very eventful extended weekend! Now to figure out what to do about the flight credit we have... :P

Keep on keeping on!

~ Elisabeth

Just Another Update on the Happenings of My Life.

We are all moved in! Well, not completely unpacked.. almost! The tv is still sitting on the floor, there are still boxes chilling out on our bedroom floor and in the office. It's a work in progress. We are still debating on blinds, so there is still cardboard in the windows upstairs, but it's all good.

I went to get my driver's license switched over and changed today. It was a lot faster than I expected! One thing I didn't know is that, here in Louisiana, they don't have temporary licenses! They just print up your license right there! I was so excited because then I didn't have to worry about bringing anything else to the airport tomorrow! Woo! The unfortunate thing is, they had to keep my out of state license. :( So, now all I have is the black and white version of it. I was very sad. It was a good picture too! In this one I dressed up and was all pretty, ready to have my picture taken.. double chin. UGH! T.T I'm so upset! Now I have to wait like four years to get a new picture taken and hope that I have lost weight! Ah well.. :/

Ah yes! Plane! Tomorrow we are heading out to Ohio to see Tanner's family! We are so excited! We haven't seen them in almost 9 months! Tanner has been really missing them and his best friends. Tanner's mom is also hosting a Scentsy party! Yay! I am excited about that. :D We will be leaving for the weekend though. On Friday we will be heading up to Gull Lake, MI to hear Ray Vander Laan! I wrote a blog on the last (and first) time I heard him talk two years ago. I can't believe it's been that long! O.o Anyway, my parents and sister will be there for that. After Ray Vander Lann's last session Monday morning, Tanner and I will head back down to Ohio and spend the rest of the day there and leave Tuesday afternoon. We are trying to squeeze in as much family time (and friend time) as possible! It may not be a super relaxing weekend, but it will be fun and we are looking forward to it.

Hopefully, when we get back, we can get the house into shape and then I can take some pictures! :D A girl can hope. :P Definitely before my birthday! ... Oh my goodness.. I'm turning 21 in 25 days! BAH!! Time flies so fast!! Tanner and I will have been married for a year in 4 months and 10 days! Oh wow.. Next thing I know it will have been 5 years and I'll be pregnant! O.o Why time.. why do you have to go by so fast?! *Sigh* :P

Keep on keeping on!

Happy Thanksgiving! (Belated Thanksgiving, rather..)

I can't believe it's already Thanksgiving! I've been married for two months and it's almost Christmas! Time just keeps on flying by! I remember the days when each day dragged on for waht seemed to be forever. Where did those days go?

In other news, two weekends ago, my wonderful husband and I went to a marriage seminar. (Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas to be exact.) It was amazing! I seriously think anyone even thinking about getting married in the future should go! Gary has a way of putting things in a different light and thinking about things in a new way, a GODLY way. It was really eye opening.

One of the things that he said that really stuck with me is that marriage is the biggest challenge a person can face spiritually. People never really see it that way. Most people think that they are in love and they will get married and everything will get easier from there. However, things just get harder. It's really true if you think about it. Once you start living with someone, those little things that once attracted you to that person start to get on your nerves. The hard thing is though, that, for a good relationship, you can't make them change. You, yourself, have to learn to live with it and deal with it in a Godly way. That is truely a BIG challenge.

All that being said, Tanner and I are in Dallas celebrating with our family. It's really good to spend time with everyone and have more than just a weekend to be together. Of course, as like every other year, we have all eaten way too much of the many delicious foods that entered into our house for lunch. Not that being too full stops any of us from eating more. It's all just so good! I think, though, that we shall be sent home with many leftovers.. If they survive the long journey back that is.

Speaking of going home, I get to put up our first Christmas tree when we get home! I'm acctually pretty excited. We got a pre-lit, six foot tree for fifty bucks. It was pretty awesome. We got some solid colored ornaments for it, until we fill it up with ornaments that mean more to us, and a nice lighted topper. I'm really excited to put it up. Though I can't decide if I should wait for Tanner to help or just do it myself. I should probably ask his oppinion beofre I do anything. :P

I've acctually gotten several gifts already picked out and ready to be wrapped. It's pretty cool. I've still got a month left and won't have to frantically search for something to get for everyone. Yay!

Well, Keep on keeping on! :)

Dealing with a Loss

Today is filled with greif and sorrow. Thoughts of what was left undone and what will never come to pass.

My grandmother died last night. Apparently it was just her time. She died in her sleep. My mom called me this morning with the news as she tried not to weep over the phone, to be strong. I couldn't believe it at first. There was nothing to suggest she was going to pass. I can't imagine what my grandpa is going through right now.

Tanner and I had already planned to go to Dallas next weekend for the marriage seminar. I was looking forward to seeing all of my family. Now.. I'm guessing we'll be heading up there sometime this week or this weekend.

I was looking forward to seeing her at Thanksgiving.. and Christmas (or around Christmas time depending on what Tanner and I worked out).. I already had her gift, and I knew she was going to love it. I was looking forward to seeing her at the hospital when my aunt gave birth.. I was looking forward to her seeing my children... So my kids could have a great-grandmother since I didn't get that pleasure because she died soon after my parents got married.

It's funny how life repeats itself.. the same thing that happened to my mom, though probably not in the same time frame, happened to me. My kids will never get to know their great-grandma, just like I didn't get to meet mine. I never wanted that for them. I wanted my grandma to live to see both my sister and I get married. I wanted her to live to see our children. I prayed that she would live that long. I guess God had a different plan.

I wish I could be there for my family. I wish I could hug my parents and hold my sister. I wish I hug my aunts and help my little cousins through this. I know what it's like loosing a grandparent at a young age. My dad's parents died when I was 10 and 11. I know it's going to be so hard on them.

And it just hit me.. she never go to see the pictures from my wedding. Oh the things that were left undone!

I don't want to ask God why. It's not my place. Yet, I find myself  feverishly wanting to cry out and ask why He took her so soon!

If you're reading this, I ask that you keep my family in your prayers. I think this is hard on all of us.. really hard. I'm not sure yet when the funeral is going to be. This is not how I wanted to see my family again. But I can't change that. God has a plan. I just pray he help us all heal quickly. Between this and the news I recived yesterday... it's been a hard week, and I have a feeling that it's going to continue that way. (If you can, pray for someone dear to me. I can't give details.)

I guess there is only one way to go now... forward...

Keep on keeping on.

RIP Grandma. I miss you.

New city, new home, and a husband!

Yesterday, I moved got into Lafayette, Louisiana, my new home. I married the man I'd always wanted this past Saturday and had an amazing honeymoon out in a cabin amongst nothing but trees outside of Nacogdoches, Texas. It was absolutely amazing. I couldn't be happier. :)

Mom and Dad and Meredith visited us a little when they generously brought Tanner's car to Nacogdoches after filling it with all our stuff. My family is awesome! Both sides. He he! :) Both my parents and his parents have done so much for Tanner and I that I just can't thank them enough. I can't wait to see them all again when we have our Ohio reception for all of his friends and family that couldn't make it to Texas.

As for the condo, well, it's a work in progress. Ha ha! I've just about got everything in the kitchen and that room all organized. Most of the trash is gone from our room. Ha ha! I give Tanner a hard time, but it's not terrible. The closet is a little hard to deal with as the door are three sliding doors, so you can only see a small portion at once. (I think I'm going to have Tanner take at least one of them down.)

I took Tanner lunch at his work and then just spent some time chilling and watching him work. He's working late today, so that helped. It also got me out of the house so I didn't have to think about the chaos of all my stuff I have to unpack. Ugh.

I need to organize the bathroom.. There so much random stuff under the sink. Gotta love men. :) Course it doesn't help that there aren't any drawers. Not set up the best. Oh well. It's a nice condo and I am grateful for it. :) I just have to figure out where to put everything. :P

I can honestly not tell you how happy I am! Despite all the cleaning and organizing and unpacking and craziness. I am so extremely happy! There aren't even words to describe how happy I am! Ah! Now, if Tanner would just get home. :P Ha ha!

Keep on keeping on! :)

A New Chapter

Right at this very moment, I am 38,999 feet in the air. That's right. I'm on a plane. With WiFi. How cool is that?! It costed me $5, but it's worth it! Ha ha! Anyway, I am on my way back to Dallas after being in Vancouver and packing my things for five days. Six months I've been in Vancouver, Washington, and I look back and see how much I have grown.

When I got to Vancouver, I had just finished my first year of college. I was taking a step out on my own and, quite to my parents dismay, not going back to school and moving what seems like a bazillion miles away. It was a scary step. I had no car, hardly any money, and no job. But I knew I would be with family, and I hadn't seen my cousin, Ry in over a year. I was with my ex and honestly, on an emotional roller coaster that went hand in hand with that. In three words, I was young. It's funny to look back and see who I was then and who I am now. The change isn't drastic, and it happened little by little, but there is a big change.

Because of my time working at Vancouver Pizza Company and being pretty much out on my own, I found myself. Sure, I still am finding more and more of myself everyday, but I gained clarity in areas that I would never have found had I not left Dallas. (Or at least it would have taken me a very long time if I did.) I have become more solid in my faith and find myself closer to God. I have become more outgoing and more outspoken. I'm no longer the girl who hardly talks and strays away from people. I still have to warm up to people, but I don't just stand in a corner and sew my lips shut. I found myself greeting customers that walked in the door, occasionally seating people, taking food out to tables, and handing customers the pizza they ordered to-go. I goofed around with my fellow co-workers, while diligently doing my job of course, and learned to come up with joking, witty remarks to whatever got thrown at me jokingly. I also became more clear in what I wanted in my future husband. Sure, Eharmony helped with that, but so did my experiences. Eharmony just matched me up with the wonderful man I am with today. Though if it hadn't been for God, we wouldn't have found each other. Nor would any of this have happened. God gets ALL the credit. It is through Him that I get my strength.

It's crazy to look back and see how much I have changed and grown. And I know that I will say the same thing six months from now about who I am today that I am saying about who I was six months ago. And so-on and so-on.

I will start my new job tomorrow at my mom's law firm. I am extremely nervous, but I know that I can do it because God has opened this door and lead me to this decision as he did with the decision to move to Vancouver. He has a plan and I place my trust in Him. I am going to miss my family in Washington dearly, in fact, I already do. But I know I will see them again and I am so grateful for the time that I had with them. I love them all very much.

On a side note, what's really crazy is to think about my future. In five months and five days I will turn 20! I won't be a teen anymore! What's even crazier is that I could be married in three years and by eight years there is a possibility that I could have kids! I'd be 28! (Well, in eight years five months and five days.) It's just crazy! And before anyone gets any wild, crazy ideas, no I do not know when I am getting married or anything else. The possibility of that happening is just there. Ha ha ha! But I mean, if you think about it, it really is just there. I'd be 22. ANYWAY, I'm going off on a tangent about that.. ha ha! The thing is, I don't feel old. I don't feel like in eight years I could possibly be pregnant or have kids. It's just freaky. But those will be chapters of my life to be written later, when the time comes. :)

And so a chapter has ended and a new chapter begins.

Keep on keeping on.

Elisabeth

Status: Super, duper, UBER excited and happy! And TAKEN!

I said I'd keep you updated, so here's the update! I have a BOYFRIEND! Ah! Getting used to that word again is so weird!! But weird in a good way! :D I think it's only fair that I at least tell you his name... Tanner! He's amazing... as I stated in the post yesterday.. haha! He's sweet and caring and considerate and good to his family and uber nice to me and a Godly guy... sigh...

Okay! So I'm smitten/ twitterpated/ whatever! What can I say? He's cute and wonderful! And an engineer! Totally amazing! And I wouldn't be surprised if I hear about him reading this tomorrow... but that's fine with me! Hehe! I am so excited to see him in like... 16 days!! Ah! Of course I am looking forward to seeing my wonderful family in 14 days as well. He he!

Anyways, in other news... as if that wasn't news enough.. ha ha! I was reading through some of my posts last night and read the one from over a year ago.. the one before I left to go to Harding. It's kinda strange to see how I was then. I was so scared to move 6 hours away from them and worried about money and all of this other craziness. Now I'm across the nation (pretty much) and working a job and not really worried about anything. I mean there are occasions when I freak out, but they are more and more rare and far between. I mean, I think about the money I may spend traveling to Texas or Ohio and making sure I have enough money to do whatever, not spending like crazy or anything. But mostly I try to save as much money I can.

But anyway. It's just kinda cool to see how much I have grown and become my own person who can manage her finances and make her own desicions! I have to give all the credit to God though. I couldn't have done any of this with out his guidance. Like moving up here! One of the best desicions I've made! It's helped me grow and really find myself, as well as get all my priorites straight and what I'm looking for straight. Which could bring me full circle, but I won't go all crazy again with all my excitment and what not in that area. :P Sure, I'm busy and have to get up earlier than I'd really like to, but that's life! And sure I don't have a car, but I've learned to manage. And if I really need to get somewhere then I just have to ask Ryan or my aunt and we can usually get something worked out. But I never would have done it had I not felt led to by God. And I know that probably sounds really "Christiany" but it's the truth. And I don't mind sounding like that because that's who I am, a Christian. And if I'd never moved up here I may have never met my boyfriend. (There's that word again.. ha ha!) :)

So, in summary, things are good! Now if I can just finish one of my books! Ha ha! In time.. sigh. Ha ha!

Keep on, keeping on. :)

Elisabeth

Driving a car VS. driving a boat. Not much of a difference!

Driving a boat is like simply driving a car. Instead of roads, pot holes or speed bumps, construction zones, 18 wheelers, air conditioning, seat belts, and pedestrians, you have the water, waves, no wake zones, tug boats (or larger), the wind, life jackets, and stupid geese that simply dive under the water when you head for them instead of flying off. There is still a sheriff, you still have to have all the safety equipment, and it still takes gas and a licence and money to do.

I know all this because I've been out on a boat and around the thing to hear and see all of these things. After being out on the boat as many times as I have, I've learned a great deal about boats and am still learning. It's crazy and it's fun, though it can be stressful. But I guess part of that has to do with the family dynamic. I like being out on the water, when things aren't stressful, and just sitting and listening... out in the middle of nowhere with no cell service and just relaxing. It clears your mind and lets you think clearly. The only downside is that you have to come back... and there isn't really a bathroom or anything like that. Perhaps one day I'll get out on a boat and just chill, but for now I'll take going out with my family and friends and having a blast.

Back from Vacation!

Well, after 8 long days traveling and somewhat relaxing, I am back home. And though I had loads of fun, I am so glad to be back. We flew into Milwakee, then drove to Gull Lake for our first stop in our trip. This is the one I was dreading most. The Ray Vander Laan conference. In all actuality, it was pretty good! I learned a lot of stuff! (I'll be making another post later about all of that part.)

After that was over, we drove back towards Milwakee, staying in Chicago for a night, and then headed for San Diego. We spent about three full days there. Unfortunately, it was chilly the whole time, so the beach, though we had fun splashing in it a bit, was freezing. Meredith and I simply had on our shorts and a t-shirt and we chased the waves and then got chased by the waves.

Over all, it was a pretty fun vacation. I'd post pictures, but I'm not on my computer and my pictures aren't uploaded. Ha ha! Now, to plan my birthday party. O.o

Happy New Year!!

It's 2011!! 2010 just sped by, didn't it? When I think of New Years Eve, I think of a big party with maybe some dancing and lights, some video games, and just having a ton of fun! However, my family doesn't have the same vision. Either way, this year wasn't exactly how I wanted to start off the new year.

See, my baby cousins were coming down with something, or getting over something, during Christmas, but none of us thought anything of. Then my aunt and uncle, their parents, got sick. Then my other aunt got sick, my grandmother got sick, and my mom was coughing and losing her voice for some reason. So, New Years Eve rolls around and my dad isn't feeling well either. I had a sore throat the morning before and another one that morning. I refused to think I was getting sick and just blew it off. My sister, who was - and still is - feeling perfectly fine, had made plans to go see The Tourist with one of her friends and so we decided we would all go. I had a slight feeling of wanting to throw up, but I, again, pushed the thoughts aside.

We invited my aunt and uncle, who were feeling well, over and asked them to bring their x-box and rock band. My grandma doesn't miss a party, so even though she was still feeling ill she and my grandpa came over as well. My boyfriend, Cris, was invited as well.

I was getting the shivers really bad after the movie, and when I got home, I immediately went to the couch and curled up under a blanket. Cris was the first to arrive and he sat beside me and I felt bad because I was feeling really bad at this point. My mom came in and took my temperature which shot up to 104. I had to admit defeat. I was sick.

Cris sat beside me, holding my hand as I drifted in and out of sleep. My temperature gradually came down and when 12:00 came around I was feeling much better. Cris and I went into the other room and caught the very last bit of the ball drop. He kissed my forehead and my cheek. (This was cute and I liked it, but it wasn't as good as a kiss on the lips, obviously. But, of course, I was still sick.) He stayed for a couple more hours and we watched a couple episodes of SG-1.

I was sick all weekend and still sick when Cris left to go back to Lubbock. So he came by and hugged me, assured me he'd come up for Valentine's Day (which is UBER cute), and then kissed my cheek and forehead again.

But I'm all better now and I worked out today! I'm pretty excited about that. I'm going to try and workout everyday, or every other day at least. It was really fun and I actually enjoyed it! I was surprised by this. Sometime this year, I WILL have a flat tummy! It WILL happen!! It HAS TO!!! 'Course it helps that I am going to be working out every other day with my two good friends... I have no choice in that matter. Ha ha!

Hope y'alls New Year has started off better than mine has! :)

The Sense of Pack

Wolves: they run in a pack because they have a sense of pack. This is why lone wolves are not found very often. If a wolf has no pack or is separated from its pack for a long period of time, it goes insane. Often they have to be "dealt with" by other wolves. Wolves simply NEED pack.

Coming out here, six hours away, separated me from my pack. I was a lone wolf while I didn't have any pack around me. I quickly found that my wolf and I were slowly slipping into insanity. My family and my friends (that I was close to), my pack, were all at home or other places. I started becoming
depressed, and touchy. It was easier for me to become paranoid about trivial things. All I really wanted to do was go home and stay with my pack.

But over the past week, things have changed. After last night, I feel like I have a pack again. My friend, from camp, who just happened to come here and just happened to be a few doors down, and I started talking and even though she is having issues, we talk a lot now and she invites me to do stuff with her and her other friends. (Those are also slowly becoming my friends as well.) We don't know each other that well, more than before, but she has become part of my pack now. And some of the people, that are becoming my friends through her, are becoming my pack. I feel part of a pack once again. I am no longer pulled back, depressed, or touchy. This is what I needed... what my wolf needed. I am just out there, not caring who sees or what they think. I am me and if you don't like it, then I am sorry. You can't change me.

Look out world, because my wolf and I are coming for you. :D