Long Distance Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's day all!

It's Tanner and my first Valentine's day. It's exciting! But as he's in Ohio, it's a little strange. Let me just tell you right now if you didn't already know. Long distance is rough! It's hard, and saddening at times and you just want to be together, but you're miles apart! It does make the relationship stronger though.

But anyway, Tanner called me this morning as he was headed to class and wished me Happy Valentine's Day. Totally made my whole day. I couldn't stop smiling all morning! He he! Even though we are far apart, he still makes me smile and my heart leap with joy. :)

Tanner, I love you and I can't wait until March 2nd and I get to see you! <3

Keep on keeping on,

Elisabeth

A New Chapter

Right at this very moment, I am 38,999 feet in the air. That's right. I'm on a plane. With WiFi. How cool is that?! It costed me $5, but it's worth it! Ha ha! Anyway, I am on my way back to Dallas after being in Vancouver and packing my things for five days. Six months I've been in Vancouver, Washington, and I look back and see how much I have grown.

When I got to Vancouver, I had just finished my first year of college. I was taking a step out on my own and, quite to my parents dismay, not going back to school and moving what seems like a bazillion miles away. It was a scary step. I had no car, hardly any money, and no job. But I knew I would be with family, and I hadn't seen my cousin, Ry in over a year. I was with my ex and honestly, on an emotional roller coaster that went hand in hand with that. In three words, I was young. It's funny to look back and see who I was then and who I am now. The change isn't drastic, and it happened little by little, but there is a big change.

Because of my time working at Vancouver Pizza Company and being pretty much out on my own, I found myself. Sure, I still am finding more and more of myself everyday, but I gained clarity in areas that I would never have found had I not left Dallas. (Or at least it would have taken me a very long time if I did.) I have become more solid in my faith and find myself closer to God. I have become more outgoing and more outspoken. I'm no longer the girl who hardly talks and strays away from people. I still have to warm up to people, but I don't just stand in a corner and sew my lips shut. I found myself greeting customers that walked in the door, occasionally seating people, taking food out to tables, and handing customers the pizza they ordered to-go. I goofed around with my fellow co-workers, while diligently doing my job of course, and learned to come up with joking, witty remarks to whatever got thrown at me jokingly. I also became more clear in what I wanted in my future husband. Sure, Eharmony helped with that, but so did my experiences. Eharmony just matched me up with the wonderful man I am with today. Though if it hadn't been for God, we wouldn't have found each other. Nor would any of this have happened. God gets ALL the credit. It is through Him that I get my strength.

It's crazy to look back and see how much I have changed and grown. And I know that I will say the same thing six months from now about who I am today that I am saying about who I was six months ago. And so-on and so-on.

I will start my new job tomorrow at my mom's law firm. I am extremely nervous, but I know that I can do it because God has opened this door and lead me to this decision as he did with the decision to move to Vancouver. He has a plan and I place my trust in Him. I am going to miss my family in Washington dearly, in fact, I already do. But I know I will see them again and I am so grateful for the time that I had with them. I love them all very much.

On a side note, what's really crazy is to think about my future. In five months and five days I will turn 20! I won't be a teen anymore! What's even crazier is that I could be married in three years and by eight years there is a possibility that I could have kids! I'd be 28! (Well, in eight years five months and five days.) It's just crazy! And before anyone gets any wild, crazy ideas, no I do not know when I am getting married or anything else. The possibility of that happening is just there. Ha ha ha! But I mean, if you think about it, it really is just there. I'd be 22. ANYWAY, I'm going off on a tangent about that.. ha ha! The thing is, I don't feel old. I don't feel like in eight years I could possibly be pregnant or have kids. It's just freaky. But those will be chapters of my life to be written later, when the time comes. :)

And so a chapter has ended and a new chapter begins.

Keep on keeping on.

Elisabeth

Status: Super, duper, UBER excited and happy! And TAKEN!

I said I'd keep you updated, so here's the update! I have a BOYFRIEND! Ah! Getting used to that word again is so weird!! But weird in a good way! :D I think it's only fair that I at least tell you his name... Tanner! He's amazing... as I stated in the post yesterday.. haha! He's sweet and caring and considerate and good to his family and uber nice to me and a Godly guy... sigh...

Okay! So I'm smitten/ twitterpated/ whatever! What can I say? He's cute and wonderful! And an engineer! Totally amazing! And I wouldn't be surprised if I hear about him reading this tomorrow... but that's fine with me! Hehe! I am so excited to see him in like... 16 days!! Ah! Of course I am looking forward to seeing my wonderful family in 14 days as well. He he!

Anyways, in other news... as if that wasn't news enough.. ha ha! I was reading through some of my posts last night and read the one from over a year ago.. the one before I left to go to Harding. It's kinda strange to see how I was then. I was so scared to move 6 hours away from them and worried about money and all of this other craziness. Now I'm across the nation (pretty much) and working a job and not really worried about anything. I mean there are occasions when I freak out, but they are more and more rare and far between. I mean, I think about the money I may spend traveling to Texas or Ohio and making sure I have enough money to do whatever, not spending like crazy or anything. But mostly I try to save as much money I can.

But anyway. It's just kinda cool to see how much I have grown and become my own person who can manage her finances and make her own desicions! I have to give all the credit to God though. I couldn't have done any of this with out his guidance. Like moving up here! One of the best desicions I've made! It's helped me grow and really find myself, as well as get all my priorites straight and what I'm looking for straight. Which could bring me full circle, but I won't go all crazy again with all my excitment and what not in that area. :P Sure, I'm busy and have to get up earlier than I'd really like to, but that's life! And sure I don't have a car, but I've learned to manage. And if I really need to get somewhere then I just have to ask Ryan or my aunt and we can usually get something worked out. But I never would have done it had I not felt led to by God. And I know that probably sounds really "Christiany" but it's the truth. And I don't mind sounding like that because that's who I am, a Christian. And if I'd never moved up here I may have never met my boyfriend. (There's that word again.. ha ha!) :)

So, in summary, things are good! Now if I can just finish one of my books! Ha ha! In time.. sigh. Ha ha!

Keep on, keeping on. :)

Elisabeth

Perhaps this is for the best.

My heart is broken,

But it's probably better this way.

You know I'll always love you

And that I'll never forget you.

We had a good times and bad times,

But it was a good 2 years, 11 months, and a day.

Maybe there is a future for us

Later down the road.

Maybe when we are more mature,

When we both have our priorities straight,

When we both know exactly what we want.

But for now I'm just going to try and move on,

Find out what's best for me.

Unfortunately, if you think about it,

Right now it wouldn't have worked anyway.

If we kept this going and gotten married

And my writing took off,

I'd go away on book tours

And the not talking would drive me insane.

So, I know it hurts now,

But I just couldn't take the silence any more.

I put my heart and my best into the relationship.

But I just wasn't getting much back.

I can't handle a relationship where I feel disconnected.

I know texting or calling or Skyping doesn't help much,

But it's better than nothing.

Every little bit helps.

So, again, know that I love you

And that I'll never forget you.

I know where I am supposed to be right now.

There are too many opportunities to ignore here.

So, maybe this is better in the long run.

Goodbye is hard,

But sometimes it's the right thing.

There might be a future for us,

But I can't focus on that right now.

Hopefully, we can still be friends,

Because you are an amazing and sweet and loyal and great guy.

We can both move on,

We'll both survive,

And some how

Something GOOD will come out of this.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Cris came in on Saturday and this is our third Valentine's Day together. It's kinda crazy. I'm super excited that he came up. He is leaving tomorrow though, which is sad. But I'll have gotten to spend 3 days with him, even though he is probably trying to figure out how to entertain himself while I go to classes. Anyway, that's really all I have to say!

Hope y'all have a good Valentine's day!

Ramblings of the day... or week...

Okay, there is a lot on my mind at the moment so this post is going to more me rambling and thinking out loud than it is just telling about what is going on right now. Though this may not all make sense, just work with me here. In reality, I'm actually surprised that this blog has lasted this long! Usually, I give up about a week into it. Blogging has been really good for me, even if no one reads it. I guess it just helps to sit down and write out what is going on. I have to actually think things out and, since this is the Internet, think about what I am going to say. Ha ha! I've never had an outlet like this... never thought of a blog being an outlet. I always thought about it being something to get the most views and have people comment and what not. But that really isn't what blogging is about is it? At least, that isn't what it is for me any more. It more of a way to get the emotions that get stuffed inside of me out. Okay, enough about blogging and about what I really came here to blog about. Ha ha!

So, I was at home Thanksgiving week and it was the same routine as every year. Clean, clean, clean, clean, Thanksgiving, clean. Though we did manage to see a couple movies in between all the cleaning. One of the movies was Tangled, which is a GREAT movie, by the way. I came out of the movie and the week went on. I realized that my life is much like Rapunzel's. When I am at home I am "trapped" in my house. I have to ask to go out. I am confined to the house when I can't go out unless it is with my parents. Even here I am more or less restricted. I have to make certain grades to get a certain GPA (3.5) to keep my car. And I have to keep a 3.0 to keep my scholarship to keep coming to Harding. This summer I am going to have to get a job and go to school. I was going to go up to Washington to work in my aunt and uncle's pizza shop this summer after taking some Maymester courses. But the main perk of that, besides making some good money, was getting to hang out with my cousin. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen now. (More on that later.) So, now i have to try and find a job in Dallas and figure out which of the courses at the community college are the ones I need to take and how much they are going to be and how long they are going to be. Right now, there was a course that I need to take or something that starts the day after I get back from here. Personally, that is NOT okay with me. I have so much stress because of all this that it's not even funny. I mean, I am freaking out because of finals because I want to keep my car. My parents told me they would drive me up here and back if I didn't have a 3.5. That is a 12 hour drive. I swear, I want to scream or run or something.

As for my ruined summer plans, my cousin is going into the Air Force. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the men and women that fight for our freedom, but I don't want my cousin or my good friends to be the ones risking their lives. I'm proud that he found what he wants to do and that he has the guts to do it... but I'm not happy. If he gets deployed before his four years are up, which is more than likely, I am going to worry to death! I already have a friend who is in the army... he got deployed to Afghanistan around August and I haven't heard from him since. Needless to say, I'm a little worried about him. Every time that I hear anything about the war now or about our troops, I'm going to think of Ry, my cousin. I heard the word war today and my heart dropped. *sigh*

Of course, then I have a friend that is going through a lot of stuff and I don't know how to help her. And it doesn't help that I can feel her pain. And then my other friend is going through something else and this guy is even bugging me, but I can't do anything because she wants, and needs, to do it in her own. The thing is, she is WAY too nice.

So, right now I just kinda want someone to hold me and tell me it is going to be okay and that I can do it and there is nothing to worry about... the only thing is, there are only two people who can do that... and the closest one is 12 hours away in Lubbock. It sucks because I really wish he was here. I'll be sitting in class and, randomly, I'll want to just run out of class and run, of four legs like a wolf (like, I don't know why, shift into a wolf) and run all the way to Lubbock just to be with him. I really need him here right now because he is the one that can calm me down and make everything better. When he holds me close I know that he isn't going anywhere and that he loves me for who I am, even when I am having a meltdown. The other person is Ry and he is in Washington and there is no way that I am going to get to see him anytime soon. The earliest would be January and that is only if my parents let me fly up to Washington for a week. I am going to have to BEG them... :(

Ugh. So yeah... that's pretty much everything that is going on and all the crap I am going through right now. Most days I just want to quit. 'Course, it doesn't help that is like 30 degrees outside. Oh! And when we went shopping, my checkbook came in on Sat. before we left, but the post office here is closed until Monday. So yeah.... I am going to have to go get my boots and everything to make the desserts for my speech on Monday... and I need gas... UGH!!! Sometimes I hate life..... #v.v

But I guess that is just life......

I wanna go HOME!!!

So.. I got back from a wonderful weekend home last night. It was busy and WAY to short. My friend came down with me and we went to the fair and the DC homecoming and what not. It was fun. We celebrated Cris' 21st birthday!! :/ He's 21!! Ugh! It's so WEIRD!!!! Ah well. Anyway, it was fun and I am leaving Thursday after speech to go back. Why? Because I miss home. And this weekend is going to be relaxing and NOT uber busy like this one was. Why? Because I need it.

I am exhausted. And I have two papers due in Bible. Whoop-de-do. I swear, he is out to kill me. Ugh! I am SO not taking him next semester. I just want to go home, man. I just want to be held in Cris' arms and be comforted and what not. Though, he makes me smile. He called me this morning to make sure I got up, because I had to move my car so that I didn't get a ticket, and he texted me before that, and he's been texting me all day telling me that he loves me and just making me smile. I have his jacket too... haha! I love him. He's so wonderful. ^.^

But yeah... that's what's going on right now.. I need to find something to read for my oral reading in speech on thursday (the ONLY reason I'm leaving at 3:40 instead of 12:30. -.-), and then do the bible paper, prolly start reading the book I have to do the OTHER bible paper over and OH YEAH! Visitation is until WEDNESDAY! -.- This is going to kill me...

I'm going to take a nap...

Peace.

Home?

When I first got here, I never thought that I would feel at home in my dorm. But I do now. And yet, I don't. It's home... yet, it's not. I miss Dallas. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my family, though not the occasional drama. I miss knowing where I am all the time and the easy access to my bank and my money. I miss Saturn Road. I miss TEXAS! I miss the restaurants and foods that are in texas and not here. I miss having good food all of the time instead of caf food, which is only occasionally good. I miss home. And I am counting down the days until I go home on the 15th.

There are days, like today, when I try not to cry... try to keep it together... because I miss so many things. I know this is my home away from home, but it's hard to be away from so many people you love. There are times when I am surrounded by people, yet I feel completely alone. I want to be held, be hugged, be comforted... but the only person that can really do that, at this point in my life, is 12 freaking hours away! Well, the only other person is in Washington... I won't be seeing him until, hopefully, January.

Yeah.. I skype him, and we talk... but it's not the same as when you are in person and he can wrap his arms around my shoulders and tell me everything is okay while I cry into his chest. I can't do that through a video... and right now, that is what I really need. I love him to death and he has this way of comforting me that makes everything seem so much better. I miss him... :/

12 days... I don't know if I can wait that long...

Crushed

I had hoped that this was going to be a more upbeat post... but as fate had it, this is not so.

I tried out for theatron today, and I messed up the monologue REALLY bad. And then I didn't make call-backs at all. So, I am/was a little depressed. Thankfully, I got back to my dorm and changed my skype status to available and one of my friends said hey and asked how I was and what was wrong and what-not. He encouraged me, still is at the moment. And then Cris, being the WONDERFUL boyfriend that he is, video chatted me and, after a back and forth of me not wanting to be seen (because I was crying) and him wanting to see me and then me just giving in, he asked what was wrong and really encouraged me and told me how wonderful I am. (I actually just said good night to him.) His mom also saw my status on facebook and encouraged me.

So, I'm feeling a little better now. I'm thinking about trying out again next year. Just wish my dream had come true. :/ To top it all off, I have a history test tomorrow morning. Whoop-de-doo. And I have to make a really good grade on it. SO yeah... I should probably go study.

TTFN.

Ish Happy. :)

This morning, I was awoken by my four alarms... but didn't want to get up. But when I really needed to, I got a text from Cris telling me he loved me. Needless to say, BEST way to wake up. He's wonderful. :) I've been reminded everyday, from Saturday to so far, by him, that he loves me. I love it. :) He tells me he loves me a hundred times a day, and guess what? I love it!

So, I walk outside to go to chapel, and it's raining. The sad part is, my hair actually looked good this morning, and I didn't have to do anything to it. And I think I was supposed to get my picture taken for the yearbook today. But anyway. lol! Oh! And I've taught myself how to sign Never Alone by Barlow Girl. :) It's fun.

Basically, it's been a good day. I know I am loved, and cared for, and that I am special. I am never alone. Though he may not be by my side, he is with me. He makes me smile and he warms my heart.

I love you, Cris, meine liebe. :)

Doubts...

So... this weekend was GREAT! Friday night I hung out with my room mate and some friends she knew from before, which was fun. Then Cris got here Saturday afternoon, and I hung out with him all weekend. The thing is... I have classes tomorrow. It sucks because it is LABOR DAY, and this is supposed to be LABOR DAY WEEKEND!!! But no. Unlike OC and many other colleges that get tomorrow off... We don't. We have classes. So, I am having breakfast with Cris tomorrow and then he is leaving... I miss him already. We had an exciting weekend! Watched The Expendables and Vampires Suck (which was hilarious but not a movie I'd recommend to my parents or my sister. Lol!) and we drove around town and what not.

But yeah... I miss home.. I miss Cris because I know he leaves tomorrow and I'll miss him more after he is gone. I am starting to wonder if this whole college thing is really for me. I mean, I'm supposedly working towards an English degree to become an author... but I don't have a minor picked out and that is one of the things I have to have to GET an English degree. And you know what? In high school, and middle school, and elementary school... I hated school. Yes, the argument can be made that there were times when I liked school. I mostly just like my friends and not the actual school part. Yes, there were a couple of classes I liked. But you know what? They were extracurricular classes. So, the question remains, why am I here? For my parents? Because it is what I am supposed to do? If not that, then what? I keep telling myself things will get better and when I join a club or put myself out there then I'll feel better. But this week, I was going to go try and be outgoing... but I had a runny nose and a cough. To try and relieve it, I went and bought supposed remedies and now I'm broke because the card my mom gave me doesn't work, I'm out of cash, and my bank isn't here. I put on a mask, like I used to do at high school, that says everything is fine and life is great. When asked how I'm doing I smile and say good! When asked what my favorite thing is here I say I don't know, because I honestly can't think of one thing... besides the food. I'm falling away from everything because I don't have a place to call home. College is not what I thought it would be. It has it's good days and it's bad days... and right now.. I just want to go home... or curl up and be held.

The question remains.

Why am I here?

So far, so good... er... okay...

So, college is good so far... I guess. Well, when you take out the feeling horrible because of allergies or something, then yeah, it's good. :) I've been becoming more outgoing, but I don't want to be because of my runny nose and cough. It kind of puts a dampener on things.

Anyway, classes are good. And I might be in a band soon. We'll see. They were looking for a singer/songwriter... but I'm really not good a writing songs... I've written lyrics before, but I always loose the tune. At any rate, I can sing, so I offered that and the guy that was looking seemed pretty excited. So, hopefully that pans out.

I ran into two of the people I knew from church back home and that was cool. They're older than me... by two years... so they make sure I'm doing okay and what not. That's pretty cool. :) My anniversary with my boyfriend is tomorrow. It will be two YEARS since we got together! Can you believe it?! Already?! But it's coming upon us! He's coming up here to celebrate with me, and I am really looking forward to that. It will be another highlight of my week.

Speaking of highlights of my week, I went to a student led devo Wednesday night and it was REALLY good! I really felt welcomed and like they WANTED me to be there. It felt really good. I mean, most of the time, I am walking down the side walk and girls look at me and most of the time I just feel judged. Even by one of my own suite-mates! Although... last night was kinda different. I was coughing up a storm in the bathroom, trying not to wake my room-mate, and she came in and asked if I was okay and if I wanted some tea. I don't know... I just need to get out of this allergy slump and be more outgoing, I guess.

But yeah, that's been my week so far. I got to talk to my parents and my sister and my grandparents last night over ichat. That was cool. It brightened my day... er... night. lol! Oh! I left my key in my dorm this morning. So I had to write my name down and what not. Thankfully, this is the first time, and, hopefully, last, it happened.

Anyway, that is pretty much it... I'm looking forward to seeing my family on the 25th for the Jason Mraz concert! That's right! He's coming here! Dr. Dogg is coming... but... it sounds kinda... yeah... lol! They are trying to get Paramore to come next semester. I REALLY hope they do because that would be freaking AWESOME! Ah... this is good... :)

Neways! I think that is all I have to say... *waits for a moment* .... Yeah! That's it! Haha!

Lates!

Weird

Yesterday my sister, Meredith, started school. I know, what's the big deal? Well, she and I went to the same campus for the past four years. She is in middle school, but it's a private school so kids from preschool to seniors are all on the same campus. So when she went off to school yesterday and I didn't go with her, it felt really weird! Today still felt weird. Though I am glad to be out of the uniforms. Hahaha!

Anyway, while Meredith was at school, my friend and I decorated shoes and shirts! I was impressed at how well mine came out! And I learned exactly how to spray-paint. lol! So now I think I'll get some shoes to decorate for myself... when I get up enough money again. As for the spray-painting, I'm going to finally do a piece of art with it that I've been wanting to do for a while.

In other news (lol!), Cris, my wonderful boyfriend, is coming back today! I'm ecstatic. Haha! It's only six days until I leave for college and he will be here for them. :) *shudders* Six days... WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?! v.v# At least I've got everything... I think... O.o This is nerve-racking. Though the funny thing is, my mom is nervous too. Though she is more nervous that she is going to run into someone she went to college with and won't remember who they are. Yes, I am going to the college my mom went to. It's a good, and beautiful, college! :D My aunt's both went there as well. So... it's kind of a family thing. On my mom's side anyway. Though my mom would've have been okay if I had gone somewhere else. But Harding feels like home, so that is where I'm going. However, right now, I am REALLY nervous.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll be fine. :) But I'm really stoked about seeing Cris. XD

Well, Too-del-ee-do! (Hahaha! XD)

La De Da De Da...

Okay... so, today I was really sluggish! I don't know why. I mean, I was taking a nap earlier because stupid me stayed up until two last night. Anyway, I woke up to my mom coming in my room, but I woke from a semi-nightmare and I couldn't even keep my eyes open or talk or lift my head or anything! It was weird...

Though, tomorrow I am going to get my comforter! Yay! And then I am going to go look at the container store and Bed, Bath, and Beyond for some other things for my dorm! :D And hopefully Cris, my boyfriend, will come back soon so I can see him and what not before I leave. :) Which is in like... in a week in a half... O.O But... ya!

Anyway, this is going to be really short as I don't have anything else to say... hahaha! Anyway, peace out peeps! XD

What? I'm a night person! What can I say?

So you may be wondering why the sam hill I am up at this hour. Well, I'll tell you... I don't know. Hahahaha! But I've been up later, so I think I can handle this. At any rate, as of today (since this is thursday... even if it is in the wee hours of the morning) I move into Harding (Sears Hall! Yay!) in two weeks. Holly cracker jacks. Time just LOVES to speed by me. All I can hope for is that Sunday, and the time when Cris (my wonderful boyfriend) is here, goes very slowly... though I know it won't. That fact just kind of depresses me.

I am SO nervous and SO excited all at the same time!! I mean... Harding is going to be GREAT! I know it is... but... I've only taken one trip all by my lonesome, and.. well.. it wasn't the greatest experience of my life. I was glad I did it... but yeesh! Of course, I didn't know a single person on that trip. I don't know, I guess I'm just freaking out about not having my parents close any longer. They'll be six hours away! And what am I going to do for money?! My mom and I decided that the first semester I shouldn't have a job as it could add on to the anxiety and stress. But I keep thinking that I won't have any money and therefore won't be able to do anything. I'm probably just freaking out over nothing. But it still is a thought! The other thing is... I don't even know where to begin or how to pack! I look around my room and start freaking out a little. I need to calm down. lol!

Tomorrow, however, I am going to go to Best Buy to see about me getting a new laptop for college since I currently only have a desktop. lol! The one I'm hoping to get is red and black, has a webcam, windows 7, AND a blue-ray player. :) It's exciting. :D hahaha! I really hope that I can get Photoshop CS3 as well. That would be AWESOME!! :D And I need a small, but really good, printer. Gr.. AND I still haven't gotten a comforter... or ways to decorate my walls. This is going to be a difficult two weeks. O.o

On that note, I should probably go to bed seeing as it is just oh... 2:04 in the morning. lol! And so, I shall bid you adieu until next time. :D

Goodnight!

Do you understand? I didn't think so.

So, I have been grounded for over a month now. I know that from a punishment one is supposed to learn something. The thing that everyone fails to see is that I have learned from it. Yes, I did over use and miss use my phone. Yes, I did over use my computer. Yes, I did miss use my car. And I learned from that. I won't text on my phone all the time. I won't expect to be able to use my car all the time. I won't spend all day on the computer. But no one believes me. How I know? Because I've stated this and I still only have my itouch.

I am out of ideas. I am losing hope. And I don't know what else to do. This may sound grave and depressing, but is because that's just how it is... And how it has been lately. I can't write my stories. I can't take my sister out for snowcones. I can't see my boyfriend...

If they gave me any idea of how in the world I could get my phone and computer and car back, this may have been a different blog post altogether. Unfortunately, I have gotten absolutely none of that. Thus, this is how it is.

I'm back!! ... maybe...

Hey! So... I know I haven't been on in a while. There is a really good reason for that. In my family, you mess up once and you get grounded from everything until who knows when. So right now I just have my itouch. It took four weeks but I have it.

Anyway! My birthday has come and gone and I am now officially an adult! Woo hoo! Got my dl renewed, and I won't have to do it again until 2016!! And even then I can do it online. But yeah! So that's exciting. What isn't exciting is my boyfriend left with his dad, to go work for him... 6 hours away from here, the day after I came back from summer experience, which is where I got registered for my classes for college. O.o Anyway, I didn't know til that day and so, after already being on an emotional roller coster and being scared about college... I was in a slump and crying my eyes out... Er as much as I could while driving.

Of course then I went and saw Wicked... Second row, middle seats... In other words, AWESOME!!!! In other good news, I finally got my car rigged to play my itouch!! Woo hoo! No flipping through radio stations while driving to college!! Lol!

Anyway, that's what's been up with me lately. :)

Time flys...

Has it really been four years? Am I really done with high school? Wasn't it just last week I was starting high school? And yesterday that I started senior year? Wasn't it just a couple of days ago that I started dating Cris? Holy moly, how time flys.

Graduation is just around the bend... and I know this is only he beginning. Soon I'll be looking back on this post and graduating from college...

Wow... that's scary....

At any rate... goodnight for now... things are only going to get fast... O.o

BANG!!! Xp

... I don't even know where to begin. Well, this week has been crazy to begin with... having practice until seven and all. And then a truckload of work on top of that. Whoever came up with the idea that the teachers should assign major projects the last two days of last week and haven them due at the end of this week needs to be shot... somewhere non-lethal, of course.

Then there is this morning. I grabbed a poster board for English, since I can't really hook up with my partner after school, only to find out that she had an idea and was going to buy it at lunch today. And it didn't matter that I told her I have practice all this week from 4 to 7... because she still wanted to hook up after school and so I told her again today. Well, our project is due Thursday... so she told me that I could type up everything and she would put it all on the poster. I was already angry and upset and stressed enough... and after she said that... and I agreed (because what else was I going to say?)... I was ready to slam everything down and call it quits.

Oh! And I still don't have my car, so when I was trying to bring my dresses up here for theater, and dad can't get up here for lunch (because I have practice today at lunch... and oh yeah! No lunch. And, after seeing my boyfriend for the first time in four days, I won't get to see him because of it... XP) he tried to have me take them with me. Well, I don't have a dang place to put them!! And he got frustrated with them so some are off of their hangers! What the heck am I supposed to do?! But do my parents give me any leeway when it comes to grades and my car? NO!!! And dad is all like, "Yes, we are just mean." And I seriously just wanted to scream and cry!!

This is supposed to be a happy time! But no. I'm stressed as all get out, I want to not care but I can't, and I REALLY don't want to be home right now.

Of course, then there is all the thank you notes I have to write, the scholarship applications to fill out and complete, the job application I have to fill out for college so I can get a job with them and not worry about breaks and what-not - I am ready to give up all hope...

Not off to a good start...

Okay... so I started this in hopes to post everyday. So far, I'm obviously not doing so well. At least I haven't forgotten about it!

Anyway, today has been pretty average. Yesterday... yesterday was a mess. See... my mother grounded me from my car a while ago because I don't have all A's, so now I have a routine set up with my father of how to get back and forth between school and home. Well, he had to do something yesterday and so my mother took my sister and I to school. On our way there, mom decided that she would take me out to lunch, because as a senior I have off-campus lunch. Well, that wasn't the greatest because I usually go ut to lunch with my boyfriend. Though, on the up-side, I did get Ka-ze for lunch instead of fast food...

I then found out that I had the second body paragraph of my research paper for english due today and I hadn't even started! Then my mother decided to pick me and my sister up... which then resulted in us going to Hobby Lobby. Needless to say, I stayed in the car. Well, I fell asleep and they came back thirty minuets later. It was now 5:00.

When we got home, I started on my research paper and started to pull up my other sites that I go onto everyday. I'm a multi-tasker.. it's what I do. Well, my mother comes in and tells me not to... which means not getting on skype with my boy. Thus, I was upset and annoyed. Later that night my mom and I had a small fight and it was just not the greatest day of my life.

I guess it just comes from being a senior... I mean I heard that seniors head-butt with their parents... but right now I feel like I am going to go insane. With all the stress of school and going to college... and on top of that my parents saying that if I don't have all A's before school gets out, not only do I not get my car for the summer, I have to take a college class this summer, and I won't get to take it to college. Not only does that competely stink, it was bumped up from A's and B's last semester to all A's this semester. Their expectations keep rising and I am struggling to keep up.

So, now I am both excited and stressed about graduation. 29 school days to pull my grades up... and until I'm out of highschool. I just want to be able to be myself... is that such a horrible thing?