Day 11 of Who Knows How Long...

It's day 11 of the Stay-at-Home order here in Louisiana. There is something psychological that happened when this order hit. Though my life didn't change very much, already being at home most of the time anyway, the thought that I shouldn't go anywhere or invite anyone over made me a little crazy. All of the things I would have done, all of the events that were canceled, not being to go to the church building on Sunday and fellowship with my church family in person, having to really plan what to get at the store and when to avoid all the insanity; it all just boggles my mind a little. And in short, it makes me SO SAD.

I'm sad for my sister who didn't get to go back to Harding after Spring Break and show off her engagement ring and do all the fun things that go with that. I'm sad that she won't get to be Piper Meredith again because everything got canceled. I'm sad that her graduation that she worked so hard for was pushed to August.

I'm sad for all the seniors in High School who are missing all the fun things that come right before graduation.

I'm sad for all the kids who will be moving to different schools next year and are missing these last few weeks with the friends at their current school.

I'm sad that the Women's Retreat was postponed until January. I'm sad that the Youth Beach Retreat was canceled.

I'm sad that people are losing their jobs. I'm sad that people are trying to figure out how to work from home and home school their kids at the same time. I'm sad that hours are being cut and people are suffering.

Y'all. I'm SAD.

However, it's okay to be sad. And while God is sovereign over everything (EVEN COVID-19), there is a period of mourning that is allowed to happen. We NEED to mourn the things that we are missing out on. To try and move on without acknowledging the grief of all that we were looking forward to would truly be insanity.

So, if you're at home and you're not being as productive as you could be. It's okay. If you're just sad and want to sit on the couch and binge watch shows. It's okay. Take the time to mourn. Take the time to grieve the loss.

But whatever you do, DON'T STAY THERE. Grieve and let God heal you, then get back up and LIVE. We may not be able to do all the things we want to, but there are lots of things we can do. Pick up that to do list of things you keep putting off because you never have time. Call a friend. Video chat with a friend! Take a walk outside. Have a picnic outside. Enjoy the time you now have with your family.

In all things, PRAISE GOD for he is GOOD.

The Love of God

Do you know the extent of God's love for you?

You may say, "Well, yes. He is my Father."

Guess what? He loves you MORE than just a father. It's true, a father's love is insanely deep. However, not only does God want to be your Father, he wants to be the lover of your soul!

Let's go back to the scripture for a moment. You remember in Genesis there is this guy named Abram, whose name gets changed to Abraham. He makes a covenant with God and from Abraham and Sarah come the Israelites. It's a story we are told as kids, right? Minus the bloody, nasty parts, of course. Don't want kids throwing up or having nightmares now, do we! But isn't everything in the bible important? Of course. In fact, it's actually an integral part of the story! (A lot of my knowledge comes from Ray Vander Laan. If you want to check out his stuff go to www.followtherabbi.com.)

In Genesis 15, Abram asks God how he would know that God would give him all the things God has promised. (This is called chutzpah is Hebrew, which is like persistence. But I won't get into that right now.) So God tells Abram to go get a cow, a goat, a ram. a dove, and a pigeon. What he doesn't tell Abram is what to do with them. However, Abram apparently already knows what to do. This tells us that this was a cultural ritual. (It still is in some places.) What this ritual was is that terms would be made between men and they would agree on the terms, unless it was between a greater party and a lesser party in which the greater party will set the terms. They would then kill the animals and place them where the blood would pool in a valley. Once there was a river of sorts, they would each pick up their tunics, take off their sandals, and walk through the blood. In doing this each would be saying, "If I break my promise, you can do this to me." ("This" being killing and walking in the blood.)

Gross, right? No wonder they didn't tell us this part in Sunday morning Bible class! But if we think about it, God's willingness to do this ritual for Abram's sake shows his immense love! He is the God of the universe for goodness sake. He could have just said, "Because I said so!"

So let's continue with what the text says. Abram then waits for God, making sure the birds of prey stay away from the carcasses. (Again, gross!) The sun starts going down and Abram falls asleep. In his sleep, he realizes what his end of the bargain is, to be blameless, and he because terrified. No kidding. Abram knew that if he even stuck his little toe in that blood, he was a dead man and the promises God had for him would be no more. So, then a smoking pot "walks" through the blood. (This would have been a pot with holes in it that women would have in their tents to put the burning coals in from that days fire and put the top on. It would then smoke all night and the women would then pour out the coals the next morning to make the next days fire with.) This represents God as the greater party would always go first. Thus, it was Abram's turn. The text doesn't say this, but it's as if he walked up to the valley and God, the torch, and moved him out of the way saying, "No wait. I've got this." God walks through the blood a second time. God is saying, "If YOU break YOUR promise, YOU can do this to ME."

At this moment, Jesus was sentenced to death on the cross.

Let that sink in for a moment.

When I told that to the Jr. High students at church Wednesday and their minds were blown. They couldn't believe that no one had connected those dots and told them about it before!

There's more. "What?" Oh yeah!

Fast forward to Exodus. Moses has lead the Israelites out of Egypt and they have stopped at Mount Sinai. This is where I think, "Oh, yeah. This is where God gives the ten commandments!" There's more to the story. This isn't just where God sets ten rules the Israelites have to follow. This is a wedding. God marries his people. The ten commandments weren't two tables with 5 on each one, it was 10 on each, a Ketubah, a contract. This is still practiced in Jewish wedding today, Instead of having vows, the bride and groom will write up a contract each to God of what kind of a husband and wife each will be. Ray Vander Laan read the first one, "You shall have no other idols before me" in this new light as so: "I will have no other lovers."

Powerful, right? "Didn't something happen with the Israelites while Moses was on the Mountain?" Yes. The golden calf. See, while Moses was getting the Ketubah from God, the Israelites decided that he wasn't coming back and so they needed a new god. They melted down their earrings and from it made a golden calf and started worshiping it, throwing a big party. (We won't get into what kind of party it was, but I will say it wasn't G rated. Even Ray Vander Laan didn't want to get into it.)

Fun fact: instead of wedding rings on their fingers, the Hebrews would wear rings in their ears, earrings. Wait, what did they melt down? Their earrings. Their wedding rings. During the wedding between God and his people, his people cheat on Him! You'd think he'd be done with them. Seriously, if it was my wedding and I found out something like that, the wedding would be off! But God doesn't do that. He keeps loving them! He purifies them and then the wedding resumes.

Now that is love. Pure love. Not just from a Father but from a spouse who loves unconditionally and intimately. To know that this is the kind of love that God has for us, and not just the Father/Child relationship that everyone talks about, speaks deeply to me!

Think about our young girls! For them to know that they can be fulfilled in every way because they have a God that loves them as a beautiful bride could be life-changing! They could know that they don't need to look for love from outside sources, from boys their age who are struggling with the same things that they are. Plus, thinking back on my own life, I think I may have looked at some things differently if I had thought of God as my husband and not just my Father. God is our Father, but he is also the lover of our souls. Yes, lover. He wants to know us as deeply as a spouse. Deeper even!

I think that this thought might bring a new perspective to our girls as they look at their relationship with God and what they do with their lives. It sets a new light on "God is always with you." It's no longer God the Father watching you and making sure you don't mess up and when you do He is going to punish you, it's more that God is with me because He loves me deeply and he WANTS to be with me, he CHOSE me.

There is a song by Francesca Battistelli called "He Knows My Name" in which the bridge says:

He calls me chosen
Free, forgiven
Wanted, child of the King
His forever
Held and treasured
I am loved.

Not only does this speak to being a child of God but, in my opinion, also a lover, a spouse, of God. Wanted, His Forever, Held and Treasured, Chosen, Loved; these are all things that a husband would say to his wife (and visa versa). My husband wants me, I am his forever, he holds and treasures me, he chose me, he loves me. As well, I want my husband, he is mine forever, I hold and treasure him, and I love him.

Imagine some things that girls fall into because of the world we live in. What if they had the mindset that when they start worshiping something besides him that they have cheated on him? How would that impact them? Would they still do some of the things the world likes to tempt them with? How does that impact you?!

Just as we all have a love language, God has a love language. His love language is obedience. Just as I feel loved when someone gets me a thoughtful gift, God feels loved when I obey His commands.

I will show God that I love Him by keeping His commandments. I know I am going to mess up, but I know that He is going to forgive me when I do. Because of His love I will strive to be blameless. His love is my motivation. He is the lover of my soul. Is He yours?

Are You Cruising?

This past weekend I was at a Women's Retreat. (My first women's retreat ever.) The theme was "The Filling Station." Our guest speaker, Vanessa Bonner, spoke about the dangers of cruising the first night. Thinking back, I know what that looks like.

In High School I was running on empty. I looked for other ways to fill myself up. When I felt especially empty, I tried to harm myself. I had a dull knife and thought that physical pain would relieve my emotional emptiness. (I didn't manage to do any real harm.) Mostly, I went to guys. I LONGED for a relationship. Junior year, I got my wish. I met a guy and we started dating. I started felling like I was full. Everything was going good. I was cruising. I graduated and went to college. There I started to feel the drain again. My boyfriend, little by little, stopped talking to me, I felt like I was drowning at school, I didn't think my friends really liked me; I was feeling the drain once again. Not knowing how to fix it, I turned once again to my dull knife. This time I managed to get past the initial layers of skin and make a thin red line. I stopped at that point. I knew it was wrong.

I talked to my cousin and we conjured a plan. I would take a year off from school and come live with him and his parents in Vancouver, Washington. My parents obviously hated this plan and tried to talk me out of it. However, I was bound and determined. So, with a ticket bought by my cousin, I was Washington bound. However, it wasn't a fix all. I still felt drained and empty. I would wait and wait, constantly checking my phone for a text from my boyfriend (who didn't like my decision to move because it would put us father apart, but he would support my decision). Eventually, I would just text him. When I would call him, we would sit in silence. (There was the background noise of video games.) My cousin saw this and insisted I break it off. After much mental debate, more insisting from my cousin, I broke it off. It's the hardest thing I'd ever done.

After a few days, things were looking up. It was like a weight was lifted. I was a free woman! Everything was great! I was having a blast, I got on eharmony, I had a job and my Aunt and Uncle's Pizza restaurant, Vancouver Pizza Company, (best pizza ever, by the way); I was cruising again. I met Tanner on eharmony and we started dating. My mom offered me a job at her law office, so I moved back home. Then I went up to Ohio, where Tanner lived, to help him move down to Louisiana. When he proposed the weekend before my birthday, I felt like the happiest girl alive! Well, until our wedding day about three months later. We went on our honeymoon, I got settled in Louisiana, we found an amazing congregation where we would later place membership; life was great.

Then I got a call from my mom at 8:00 am on October 31st. My grandpa had gone into the bedroom to wake up my grandma only to find that she was gone. My world came crashing down. It was one of those times when you're holding the phone and you don't know what to do or what to say.

(I can't say that the whole time Tanner and I were dating, the engagement, and then the marriage I was completely cruising. I remember growing more than I had in a while in that time. However, I don't think I was completely filling myself with God either. I wasn't looking to Him as much as I should have.)

After the funeral and a few months had passed, I started cruising again. (I had not learned my lesson.) Tanner and I bought our first house, I got a job at Chick-fil-a to help with bills and to try and start a savings fund, and things were going pretty well. It wasn't long until I started to feel really drained, like I was running on empty. Tanner and I were working with the youth and I didn't feel like I had anything to give them because I didn't have anything at all! My general manager quit, another manager quit, things started going downhill fast. Somehow, I injured my knee and it hurt to stand. Thus, Tanner and I decided it was best for me to quit. I thought I had built up enough and we weren't relying on my paycheck. Well, Tanner had a couple months he didn't get a bonus. My "build-up" ran dry. We were having some financial trouble. I kept sitting there thinking, "God will provide. He will lead us to green pastures." He did. He gave us just enough. However, I was still on empty. I wasn't listening. I was just crying out for God to save me. I couldn't hear him over my cries.

Eventually, it got to the point where I needed to get a job. I started putting in applications, praying God would lead me to the right one, praying for God to save me. Eventually, longer than Tanner would have liked, I got a job at a school doing after care. It was good until they docked my hours, because they had the wrong information when they hired me, and then expected us to be tutors, and whole other messes started up.

Somewhere during this, I realized that I didn't need to cruising or filling myself with anything other than God. I started trying to pray every morning. I developed an "outline" for my prayers so I didn't forget to thank him for what he blessed me with or end up just asking for things I wanted or "needed".

I started looking for another job, really asking God what he wanted me to do. One Sunday the sermon was about spiritual gifts. We were all told a site where we could take a test to help you find your spiritual gift. Having always been curious about it, I took it excitedly. Come to find out, my top result was administrative (tasks). This aligned with what I thought I really wanted to do, work in an office, preferably a church. Going off of that, I applied at a place that needed a secretary. I was told they would like to hire me and that I needed to start the hiring process. In this time, I found out that my friend was going to move back to Texas. (Very bittersweet.) Ironically, she was the church "Office Manager". The position I had been praying for since Chick-fil-a was going to be open. (Not that I was praying for her to leave!! I just wanted a position like hers or to be able to work alongside her!) I applied for the job as soon as I found out how. With advice from my husband and my mom, I kept the other job open as a fall-back. God had his plan though. A week after my interview, I was hired. God works in mysterious ways.

When I was asked where I thought I was, I hesitated to say I was full. I knew that I had a drain, as we all do, but I didn't feel the drain like I was going to run on empty anytime soon. Life is good! God is great! Sunday morning, I found my answer to the question of where I was. Vanessa Bonner talked about when we keep ourselves full of God and not ourselves. When we do this we are "draining" into others, but God is constantly filling us. Not only are we "draining" into those around us, we are overflowing into them!

I knew that's where I was. The lesson for me, however, was to make sure I don't start cruising. I know the danger, and I don't want to be there again. I have to remember to stay aware, know when I need to refill and always keep God as my number one. I know Satan is out there ready to hit me with something, but if I stay aware and make sure I am constantly filling myself with God, He will sustain me and I will make it though with His help.

So, my question to you is, where are you? Are you cruising, running on empty, or filled with God and overflowing into those around you?

Keep on keeping on.

So Many Thoughts!

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O.o

My brain is absolute craziness. Today, there are about a million thoughts running through my head. Everything from financials to planning events to things around the house to food. There is so much stuff going on in my head, I don't think it will all be able to come out! They are getting so mushed together.

I've been putting together the Jr. High Scoop, which is like a newsletter of the events that are going on, for the Youth Group. We are trying to do more with them and get the parents involved. This month, I'm planning the Scavenger Hunt and the students are wanting to go to God's Not Dead as well as go bowling together after church Sunday. And they want to go this month! I feel like I've escalated from just doing the newsletter to kind of planning the calendar for the Jr. High! I don't mind at all, but I also don't want to do it by myself. I need a sound board to bounce ideas off of like what even should/ could go where. I also don't want to overstep and "take over" the Jr. High from the youth minister. I definitely don't want to step on anyone's toes. So where is the balance? Thankfully, we are having a youth leader meeting soon and we can get this all ironed out. I hope.

As for the rest of the things in my head, we are looking at putting up shelves to get rid of the shelves we currently have. With that comes all the questions. What do we want them to look like? How much are we willing to spend? Where are we going to put them? Do we want hanging shelves or standing bookshelves or both? Are we going to make them or buy them? What dimensions do they need to be? Who has the best deal?

Along with that, my wonderful husband sold his car yesterday. It was sad, but we are looking for a truck which will be better in the long run. Unfortunately, that means we are down to one car. Thus, while he is at work, I'm stuck at home unless I drive him to work and pick him up. It's quite the predicament.

We are also thinking about getting a dog. A friend of ours doesn't have time for their precious dachshund terrier mix and Tanner has been really wanting a dog. She is already house trained, kennel trained, and knows a few tricks so we wouldn't have to worry about a whole lot of training. She also doesn't shed a whole lot, so that's a plus. But our backyard has some low spots, which we want to fix anyway, and we don't want to get her and not be able to afford everything. We'd also need someone to dog sit if we got her before Easter as we are headed to Dallas for that weekend.

With all these things running through my brain all at once, it's kind of a mess. Hopefully, I can get it sorted out soon. That would be nice.

Keep on keeping on.

Elisabeth

What was Unknown is Now Blatantly Apparent.

I found out something I didn't know about myself yesterday. The sermon yesterday morning was eye-opening. Not in the way you would think when you listen to a sermon. I didn't find out something about my spiritual life that I'm doing wrong or right; I didn't find out something that was hampering me from having a better spiritual life or that I have a suppressed sin in my life. No. What I found out was something about me.

I deal/have dealt with depression.

I'm not talking about feeling depressed because of something that happened or those days when it just a bad day. I'm talking about the real mental illness.

Yesterday, I was looking at how to know if you struggle with depression that was in our sermon notes (portion above). As I was reading them, I realized that what I was reading sounded exactly like my high school years and my year at college.

I wanted to sleep all the time figuring that if I went to bed, when I woke up things might be better. I either wanted to eat all the time or didn't eat at all. In college, there were times (mostly Saturdays and dinner time on weekdays) that unless someone was going with me, I just didn't go to the caf (cafeteria) because I either didn't feel like getting up or I didn't want to go in sit alone or get take out and sit in my room alone. If I got really hungry and my lips and cheeks hurt enough from biting them (because apparently that is what I do when I get hungry), I would just find a dollar and go to the vending machine in my dorm and get some chips or a candy bar and a drink to hold me over. Sometimes, the lights didn't even get turned on all day Saturdays because there was enough light coming in through the window during the day and the next thing I knew it was dark outside. I felt worthless and that no one liked me.

When I shared with my life group (Sunday night "church") that I realized I was actually depressed in High School and college, one of the ladies asked what I thought the trigger of it was. I gave her the answer that I thought was right at the time, but, after thinking about it longer, I realized what really triggered it.

3rd grade.

I had just moved from a private Christian school to a public elementary school. I had a great teacher, but that was the beginning of the worst three years of my life.

The year before, I had gotten glasses. I didn't need them all the time, but I did need them to see the board. This girl and I sat next to each other and became best friends. We had a good time, but soon she started stealing my glasses out of my desk and hiding them in hers. Later a boy liked me and gave me a beautiful lapel pin when he asked me to be his girlfriend. My mom had told me that I couldn't have a boyfriend and made me give it back. He then turned his liking of me to a disliking of me and began to pick on me. I tried so hard to be friends with him and his friend, but they wouldn't let me be friends with them. It started with pretend fighting, a few of us girls against a few of the boys. It wasn't real fighting. There was no punching or kicking or hurting. That is, until this certain boy pushed me hard to the ground. Later, I was hit in the face with a kickball that he threw, though he kept saying it hit my back. Perhaps he just felt bad for hitting me in the face because it was an accident. It didn't feel like an accident at the time.

Needless to say, things spiraled from there. My supposed best friend kept being my best friend and then lying about me behind my back. The boys kept picking on me, I was called a cry baby at lunch by my "friend' because she hurt me emotionally.

In fifth grade, my grandpa on my dad's side died. It was the first death in our family. I was so hurt because the last time I saw them I had thrown up on their floor. I didn't get to see them very often. I knew my grandma was sick way before that, but I didn't know with what (Alzheimer's disease), so I couldn't spend the night like I used to be able to. I had seen him once in the hospital and I thought he was getting better. What I was too young to know was that he had cancer. I just knew there was something wrong with his kidneys. I told my supposed friend at school during a project that it reminded me of my grandpa and that was why I was sad. She replied with couldn't they just give him a transplant, and when I said no she counteracted with that she had been whipped hard the night before. A year after my grandpa died, my grandma, his wife, passed away as well.

Come to think about it, maybe it was my grandpa's death that triggered my depression. More likely, I think, is that his death was the last straw. With all the pain and torment I suffered with almost everyday from my "friends", loosing my grandpa was probably what struck the final blow.

Throughout High School, I thought it was just all the pressure to be an all A student like my mom and my sister and that no one liked me. Looking back at college I thought it was the continued pressure to have at least a 3.6 GPA to be able to drive my car and the continued fear that no one liked me or wanted to be my friend and the fact that my boyfriend, at the time, stopped talking to me and just played video games while we were on Skype. However, there was a reason I had the insecurities of not thinking people liked me or wanting to be my friend. That came from 3rd thru 5th grade. I know that now. My fear of loosing the people I love spawning from the losses I experience at a young age.

Perhaps those three years were the years when I became the not-so-talkative, withdrawn girl that I was in High School and my year at College. I have made strides in not being that girl, but I still struggle to be the outgoing person I want to be.

During my senior year of high school, there came a point where I decided it all needed to stop. I visited a teacher, who also had a degree in counseling, and asked for help. Of course, it took all the guts I had in me to write the e-mail to ask if I could talk to him and then to actually walk into his classroom. He told me to write out my story because I seemed like a writer, which I am. That lead me to start my blog.

Sometimes I just have to get down what I am feeling. Writing helps me process what I am thinking and feeling into coherence. There is a sense of relief and release when I successfully write something that is what I am thinking and feeling into a coherent series of sentences or paragraphs and post it here, on my blog. This blog has not only helped me therapeutically  but it has helped my writing skills as well. And I hope it helps someone else out there who just wants to know that there is another person out there who isn't perfect and knows what they are going through. Because I have been there.

I have been depressed.

Occasionally, I still struggle with it. And it's not just the one day that everything is just going wrong or just a case of the blues.

If you struggle with anything, know that you are not alone. It's okay to be depressed, it's not a sin. Seek the help you need.

Keep on keeping on.

My Reflections on Youth Ministry.

My husband and I have been attending a class led by the youth minister at the congregation we attend on Sunday mornings. It's for those who are interested in volunteering/helping/leading the youth group. The class has really been great! It got me thinking about the common misconception of the youth ministers job.

I think that we have always thought of the youth minister as the one who takes care of the kids and makes them behave and takes them on trips and out of our hair for a while; that he should be connecting with every single kid in the youth group on a personal level no matter how big the group is. Basically, he's the guy that does everything. (With the help of his wife, of course.)

Here's the problem. He's only human.

He and his wife have a family of their own to take care of and discipline and spend time with as well! If he is teaching, planning trips, going on trips, taking care of our children, trying to keep them in line, etc., where does that leave his family?

We should re-evaluate what a youth ministers responsibilities are, yes? Yes.

So, should a youth minister be in charge of disciplining your child/teaching them what is right and wrong/ironing out your child to be a model citizen? No! That is YOUR job as a parent. Do NOT go to your youth minister and ask why your child is acting up! That's not what he is there for!

Should a youth minister connect with EVERY child on a personal level no matter how large the group? Absolutely not. He can't! There is no way to get to know every one of your kids and really bond with them! This is why he needs helpers! People like you and me who volunteer their time and get to know a handful of kids and focus our energy on those kids. The youth minister can only handle as much as you and I can. If I get to really know a handful of kids, and you get to know a handful of kids, and he gets to know a handful of kids, and so and so forth, pretty soon every kid will be connected with an adult figure on a deep personal level. They will have some one to look up to and come to when they need advice. Because if all they have is their friends and a youth minister who physically can not get to know them on that deep of a personal level, they will only turn to their friends who only have the maturity and knowledge on the level they have. So, don't leave your youth minister out there alone! Step up and help!

Should a youth minister teach the Bible? Yes!

Should a youth minister spread the gospel? Yes!

Should a youth minister plan trips and go with the kids on trips? Yes!

Should a youth minister make sure to spend quality time with his family and make sure that they have the attention and care that they need? YES!

With all of that being said, if you see your youth minister struggling or kids not getting engaged in the group, maybe this is our problem. Step up and help him out! He can't do everything.

Keep on keeping on. :)

Rich Young Ruler? Over-rated.

Today, I was in church, like I always am on Sunday mornings, unless I'm sick, and I was listening to the sermon about the rich, young ruler. And it struck me a little different. I've heard the story a million times, but this time I heard something else. The preacher talked about how when this guy who had everything came up to Jesus and asked what he needed to do to follow Him. After the ten commandments, Jesus tells this man to sell everything he posesses. The preacher said that he was sure that as this guy was walking away, he was slumped in grief. That he was thinking, "That's the one thing I can't do." Of course, Jesus then goes on to say how hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God. It was then that it struck me. I don't want to be a rich young ruler. I would rather have just enough to take care of everything and be humble and content with what I have, than have everything I could have ever dreamed about dreaming about wanting and never be content or worse, lose my soul.

I grew up in a family that had plenty. I was never left wanting. Sure, I didn't think of us as rich, but others did. Now that I live on my own and know what it's like to have to pay bills and wonder if there is going to be enough for everything, I realize that we had it good. My parents and sister still do. But I also realized, I don't want to just be scraping by, but I also don't want to feel like I have more money than I could possibly do anything with. There's a happy medium in there, and I'm determined to find it.

If I do become a best-selling author someday and I am earning bundles and bundles of money, I'm going to find a good use for it. And it's not going to be on some big house or a cooler car or nicer clothes, ect. It's going to go to someone else who needs it more than I do. Who has kids that need new clothes or someone who might be a little short on money to pay the bills and feed themselves that month. I am determined to live in a house just big enough and be content with the blessing God sends my way. Never do I want to be a rich, young ruler.

Keep on keeping on,

Elisabeth

My life just got more crazy.

So... I was out Tuesday from school... and that was apparently our fist practice. Thankfully, one of my friends, who is in the musical with me, told me about the practice yesterday, so I made it to that one. Now I just have to figure out my schedual for the rest of the practices. They are all mostly from 3:30 to 6:30. Thus giving me less time to do any homework or anything else I need to be doing. Plus, trying to get, and keep, all of my grades to A's... this is going to be fun...

But, I'm excited over all. The preformances are May 13th and 14th and I'm uberly nervous/excited! I just hope my knee heals up before then so I don't have to worry about it and I can do all the moves. But yeah... Thankfully, everything is healing well so far.

In other news, Sr. Sunday and Banquet at church is this sunday. Yay!! I'm excited. Yet, I'm kinda nervous of what they are going to say. O.o lol! Ah well. I'll live. :) Only a few more weeks of high school and then I'm a graduate! ... Who needs a job... Good thing I haven't gotten one yet, though. Or I would have to either quit the job or the musical.. and that would not be cool. Hopefully, I will find one soon after though. I'm just trusting God knows what is best at this point... for everything. :)

A much needed update.

Okay... So Friday I found out that I made it in the musical!!! I am so excited!!! XD I would have posted the news earlier but I went on the combined Jr. high Sr. high retreat this weekend with the church I attend. At any rate, I'm sooo excited.

In more recent news... I got a new bike a week or so ago and I got to finally ride it yesterday! Unfortunately, it decided it needed to meet the gaurdrail on this one hill and thus I had a meeting with the pavement. So, I am currently recovering from the incident and finding more and more bruises. So that's how my last few days have gone. :)

The stress that comes from being a Senior.

Grades, parents, church stuff, tests, cars, homework - AH!! All of it seems to pile up! And on top of all of that, thinking about the future and my writing that I want to turn into a carreer! And then I have allergies or something at the moment, so I'm coughing and my nose is all stuffed up and, well, it's just bad.

At any rate, I (thankfully) finished my senior board for church last night. One more thing crossed off the ever growing list. And then my dad was starting to go all crazy on me last night. And then I toss and turn last night with strange dreams hautning me once again. #v.v Oy. Hopefully things will calm down over the next few days.

In other news, our theater teacher has decided on doing a musical that is a combination of many broadway musicals. I think it will be fun and I'm thinking about trying out. Unfortunately, the tryouts are today and monday and I just found out yesterday. Then there is my nasal condition at the moment that is making me a little reluctant. Plus, I'd have to come up with a song to sing and have it ready to perform by Monday. O.o At least I'm thinking about it anyway.

Well, that is really all I have to say at the moment... Perhaps, if I have anything, I'll post tomorrow.

Later.