Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Dealing with a Loss

Today is filled with greif and sorrow. Thoughts of what was left undone and what will never come to pass.

My grandmother died last night. Apparently it was just her time. She died in her sleep. My mom called me this morning with the news as she tried not to weep over the phone, to be strong. I couldn't believe it at first. There was nothing to suggest she was going to pass. I can't imagine what my grandpa is going through right now.

Tanner and I had already planned to go to Dallas next weekend for the marriage seminar. I was looking forward to seeing all of my family. Now.. I'm guessing we'll be heading up there sometime this week or this weekend.

I was looking forward to seeing her at Thanksgiving.. and Christmas (or around Christmas time depending on what Tanner and I worked out).. I already had her gift, and I knew she was going to love it. I was looking forward to seeing her at the hospital when my aunt gave birth.. I was looking forward to her seeing my children... So my kids could have a great-grandmother since I didn't get that pleasure because she died soon after my parents got married.

It's funny how life repeats itself.. the same thing that happened to my mom, though probably not in the same time frame, happened to me. My kids will never get to know their great-grandma, just like I didn't get to meet mine. I never wanted that for them. I wanted my grandma to live to see both my sister and I get married. I wanted her to live to see our children. I prayed that she would live that long. I guess God had a different plan.

I wish I could be there for my family. I wish I could hug my parents and hold my sister. I wish I hug my aunts and help my little cousins through this. I know what it's like loosing a grandparent at a young age. My dad's parents died when I was 10 and 11. I know it's going to be so hard on them.

And it just hit me.. she never go to see the pictures from my wedding. Oh the things that were left undone!

I don't want to ask God why. It's not my place. Yet, I find myself  feverishly wanting to cry out and ask why He took her so soon!

If you're reading this, I ask that you keep my family in your prayers. I think this is hard on all of us.. really hard. I'm not sure yet when the funeral is going to be. This is not how I wanted to see my family again. But I can't change that. God has a plan. I just pray he help us all heal quickly. Between this and the news I recived yesterday... it's been a hard week, and I have a feeling that it's going to continue that way. (If you can, pray for someone dear to me. I can't give details.)

I guess there is only one way to go now... forward...

Keep on keeping on.

RIP Grandma. I miss you.


1 comment:

  1. She would have LOVED the wedding pictures, and thought the video was so neat. I can just hear her saying, "I didn't know they could do those kind of things!" in wonder. lol. We will all just have to do our best to help each other fill in the gaps, but she will always be missed dearly.