"Hate your Father and Mother."

This past Sunday I looked over during worship and saw one of our friends with his grandson. They both had the biggest smiles on their faces. It was the cutest thing, and while I was filled with joy at watching them, my heart sunk. I SO LONG for that to be Eden and her grandparents!

But a thought occurred to me as I watched them and wallowed in my longing. It was almost audible.

"Hate your Father and Mother."

Which I acknowledged as a reference to Luke 14:26.

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. (ESV)

I have always had difficulty with the verse because I love so deeply. I understood it as in comparison to my love of Christ my love of my family looks like hate, but it always bothered me a little.

But sitting there in the "pew" chair feeling sad that I wasn't closer to family, I had a realization of what that verse meant. Doing ministry is almost equivalent to "hating" my father and mother.

God has us here in this place for a specific reason. He has a plan for us, and that plan has us here. Tanner is now Ministry Leader of the Youth and is working alongside of the Youth Minister while he works on his Bible degree through Harding University's online program. I am still involved with the youth and the women's ministry as much as I can be with our delightful baby girl.

I can not do what God has called me to do if I am caught up in longing to be somewhere else. If I am preoccupied with wishing that I lived closer to my parents (or his parents), I can not spread the love of Christ to those around me.

So, as much as I want to be closer to my family, I will be happy with the times I can see them and choose to focus on where I am and what God has for me to do. He put me here for a reason and I know he has big plans for me and my family. I just have to remember to focus on HIM first so that he can use me to spread his Kingdom.

Crazy Week, Exciting Week!

Well. It has been a crazy week! Last week I went from helping with the youth here and there and simply wishing I could go with the youth group to Uplift (church camp at Harding University). Now I have been out almost every day this week doing something youth related and getting ready to leave for Uplift tomorrow morning! Monday I helped make a video to try and get the youth pumped up about Uplift, Tuesday I worked on getting the video to the person that was editing it, Wednesday I was at the building early before class with my husband and we went and picked up pizza and drinks for that night because it was the last day in the old building and picture day where I took the updated group pictures we needed.

Today I am doing the rest of the laundry, figuring out what Tanner is going to need while I am gone, packing everything I can before tomorrow at 6:00 am (since I have to be at the building at 7:00 am). I am so excited but I am also super nervous. This will be the first year that I will being to Uplift as a chaperon. I'm not completely sure what to expect, but I know I will taking a lot of pictures and videos! I am so excited that I get to use my love of taking pictures for something bigger than just my family and whatever random objects I find lying around.

I've been thinking about starting my own photography/videography business. I don't know how I would start it or anything. Perhaps I would make a facebook page with some professional looking pictures... Maybe one day.

Anyway, I am super pumped to be going this week! Even if Tanner won't be joining us. I am hoping that this time apart will be good for us though. I am going to miss him like crazy, but I know that time apart is sometimes a good thing.

If you can, keep this week and the chaperons and the youth and Tanner in your prayers. I'm praying that we will have a fantastic week and Tanner and I don't miss each other too terribly. :)

Keep on keeping on!

I wanna go HOME!!!

So.. I got back from a wonderful weekend home last night. It was busy and WAY to short. My friend came down with me and we went to the fair and the DC homecoming and what not. It was fun. We celebrated Cris' 21st birthday!! :/ He's 21!! Ugh! It's so WEIRD!!!! Ah well. Anyway, it was fun and I am leaving Thursday after speech to go back. Why? Because I miss home. And this weekend is going to be relaxing and NOT uber busy like this one was. Why? Because I need it.

I am exhausted. And I have two papers due in Bible. Whoop-de-do. I swear, he is out to kill me. Ugh! I am SO not taking him next semester. I just want to go home, man. I just want to be held in Cris' arms and be comforted and what not. Though, he makes me smile. He called me this morning to make sure I got up, because I had to move my car so that I didn't get a ticket, and he texted me before that, and he's been texting me all day telling me that he loves me and just making me smile. I have his jacket too... haha! I love him. He's so wonderful. ^.^

But yeah... that's what's going on right now.. I need to find something to read for my oral reading in speech on thursday (the ONLY reason I'm leaving at 3:40 instead of 12:30. -.-), and then do the bible paper, prolly start reading the book I have to do the OTHER bible paper over and OH YEAH! Visitation is until WEDNESDAY! -.- This is going to kill me...

I'm going to take a nap...

Peace.

Fianally, my world is shrinking!

Okay... that probably sounds really weird. But I am SO happy about it! I have a speech class with someone I met LONG ago, and a few doors down is someone I used to hang out with at Bandina (church camp)! I also ran into one of the guys that went to Saturn Road. :) Of course, it helps that I've been to all of my classes and I am learning my way around the campus better. I've also noticed, that as all this is happening, my confidence has been growing! Maybe I'll put myself out there before the week ends... or... next week... hahaha!

Anyway, I went to my kinesiology, or wellness, class and the teacher is funny! So, I am actually excited about it! I know right! Who would be excited about a class where you either work out, or have lectures about how to be well? But I am! I think that the way a teacher presents him or herself, and how they approach and conduct their class, has a lot to do with weather I'm going to like it or not. What is really funny though, is my speech, or communications, teacher is my kinesiology teacher's brother. And they are alike in how they deal with their classes. Therefore, I am, surprisingly, excited about speech! I have a feeling that Tuesdays and Thursdays are going to be my fun days. Haha!

Unfortunately, though, I have to go out and buy a BUNCH of stuff for my art class tomorrow. Ugh. Though the funny thing is, my teacher grew up and went to church where I did... er... do.. something... ANYWAY! Haha! So, that is pretty cool. :) I'd better go get those before the store closes... *sigh*

But anyway, overall today was a really good day! Thank you, God! ^.^ Well, ta ta for now!

On My Own...

So... my parents just left. Yeah... My dorm room looks great though! I honestly don't really know what to say... I already miss them... but I think that if I keep myself occupied.. like writing this... for now, I can keep calm. Unfortunately... I really don't know what to say... At least my bed is comfortable! Haha!

Well... I guess I'll go then...

Toodleoo!

My lovely sister

My wonderful father

My beautiful Mother. :)

I miss you all!!!

A leap of faith... amongst other things.

Well... tomorrow is THE DAY. I take one of the biggest leaps of my life tomorrow. Needless to say, I am UBERLY nervous!! All of my clothes are packed and my closet is looking very empty! I can't believe it's happening! I am SO scared... though I know I'll be fine. It's just... wow... That is really all I can say right now. Thankfully, I got my car to rigged to play my ipod a while back, or this would be a LONG trip. lol!

Well... wish me luck. I'm going to need it. Hahaha!

Weird

Yesterday my sister, Meredith, started school. I know, what's the big deal? Well, she and I went to the same campus for the past four years. She is in middle school, but it's a private school so kids from preschool to seniors are all on the same campus. So when she went off to school yesterday and I didn't go with her, it felt really weird! Today still felt weird. Though I am glad to be out of the uniforms. Hahaha!

Anyway, while Meredith was at school, my friend and I decorated shoes and shirts! I was impressed at how well mine came out! And I learned exactly how to spray-paint. lol! So now I think I'll get some shoes to decorate for myself... when I get up enough money again. As for the spray-painting, I'm going to finally do a piece of art with it that I've been wanting to do for a while.

In other news (lol!), Cris, my wonderful boyfriend, is coming back today! I'm ecstatic. Haha! It's only six days until I leave for college and he will be here for them. :) *shudders* Six days... WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?! v.v# At least I've got everything... I think... O.o This is nerve-racking. Though the funny thing is, my mom is nervous too. Though she is more nervous that she is going to run into someone she went to college with and won't remember who they are. Yes, I am going to the college my mom went to. It's a good, and beautiful, college! :D My aunt's both went there as well. So... it's kind of a family thing. On my mom's side anyway. Though my mom would've have been okay if I had gone somewhere else. But Harding feels like home, so that is where I'm going. However, right now, I am REALLY nervous.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll be fine. :) But I'm really stoked about seeing Cris. XD

Well, Too-del-ee-do! (Hahaha! XD)

What? I'm a night person! What can I say?

So you may be wondering why the sam hill I am up at this hour. Well, I'll tell you... I don't know. Hahahaha! But I've been up later, so I think I can handle this. At any rate, as of today (since this is thursday... even if it is in the wee hours of the morning) I move into Harding (Sears Hall! Yay!) in two weeks. Holly cracker jacks. Time just LOVES to speed by me. All I can hope for is that Sunday, and the time when Cris (my wonderful boyfriend) is here, goes very slowly... though I know it won't. That fact just kind of depresses me.

I am SO nervous and SO excited all at the same time!! I mean... Harding is going to be GREAT! I know it is... but... I've only taken one trip all by my lonesome, and.. well.. it wasn't the greatest experience of my life. I was glad I did it... but yeesh! Of course, I didn't know a single person on that trip. I don't know, I guess I'm just freaking out about not having my parents close any longer. They'll be six hours away! And what am I going to do for money?! My mom and I decided that the first semester I shouldn't have a job as it could add on to the anxiety and stress. But I keep thinking that I won't have any money and therefore won't be able to do anything. I'm probably just freaking out over nothing. But it still is a thought! The other thing is... I don't even know where to begin or how to pack! I look around my room and start freaking out a little. I need to calm down. lol!

Tomorrow, however, I am going to go to Best Buy to see about me getting a new laptop for college since I currently only have a desktop. lol! The one I'm hoping to get is red and black, has a webcam, windows 7, AND a blue-ray player. :) It's exciting. :D hahaha! I really hope that I can get Photoshop CS3 as well. That would be AWESOME!! :D And I need a small, but really good, printer. Gr.. AND I still haven't gotten a comforter... or ways to decorate my walls. This is going to be a difficult two weeks. O.o

On that note, I should probably go to bed seeing as it is just oh... 2:04 in the morning. lol! And so, I shall bid you adieu until next time. :D

Goodnight!