Follow Your Passion

Finding your passion can be hard. As much as I want to say that I was always told to follow my passion as a kid, that wasn't the case. I'm an artsy person so I liked singing and acting and photography and painting. When I was in high school and trying to figure out a career I would be interested in pursuing, it became hard to nail down. I thought about all of the things I was interested in, but the message I seemed to be getting was "Those career paths aren't going to make you any money. Pick something else."

I recently passed by the local seasonal garden shop and I wondered how they decided that's what they wanted to do. It got me thinking about my sister in law when she was in high school. Where she grew up, she had a chance to go to a vocational school for her junior and senior year. When she thought about what she would pursue there, she contemplated being a gardener. I remember so clearly that her family, much like my own, steered her away from that passion questioning what she would do with that kind of degree. In the end, she followed her passion in baking and she became a chef. I am very proud of her decision to be a chef as she seems to really love it.

This all leads to the question of how does one find and actually pursue their passion? I still haven't really found that one thing that I love. I still love writing and I love painting and I love singing, and I like taking pictures. Still I don't see a career in any of those things for me. (I still love my job as the Office Manager at Riverside. I wouldn't change it for the world.)

Part of me wonders what my life would have turned out like if I had been encouraged to follow any of my passions despite how much that career would make me. Would I have pursued more roles in the plays at school? Would I have tried for a music major or a theater major? Would I have pursued a communications major when I found that I really enjoyed my speech class? Would the difference in classed made me enjoy college more and made me stay? What would I be doing with my life now? Would I have found my niche? Would I have found the thing that really makes me think, "THIS! This is where I belong and what I was always meant to do!" Would I still struggle with "creative stir craziness"?

In no way am I discontent with my life now. I know God lead me here and here is where I am meant to be. And as I said before, I LOVE my job. I don't know of any other job I would want. (Other than one day being a mother, of course.) I just wonder sometimes.

I hope that you will follow your passion no matter what it is or where it leads. I hope that you will find your strengths and lean on them, see where they take you. I hope that you will not let the fear of needing a career that makes a lot of money take you away from pursuing what you love. God will always provide what you need when you need it. Don't be afraid to pursue your passion.

Find what you love and, most of the time, your job won't seem like work.

Never stop dreaming,

Elisabeth

To the Graduate...

You did it! You are graduated from High School. You have walked across the stage and thrown your hat. You have ended one chapter and beginning another.

You are probably already thinking about all the things you have planned for this last summer before college and going to college, what you will need to pack, how much you will need to pack, and the wondering how it will all fit in your car.

College, as you know, will be a whole new challenge. You will experience new things and meet new people. You will feel it when it finally sinks in that your parents aren't near anymore and you have to figure it out on your own, even if you are "SO ready" to be on your own. You will feel the joy as you make new friends. You will feel more stress than you thought you could. You will experience success when you get a good grade in that class you weren't so sure you were doing well in. You will experience a sort of loss as you miss your friends and family back home.

Though it all, though, remember that you are extremely loved by your family and friends and that they will always welcome you back with open and joyful arms. Remember that if you need any advice or just someone to talk to, they are simply a phone call away.

Remember to always do you best, to do all your homework, and study for every test.

Above all, remember to keep God the center of your life. Don't forget to go to a congregation on Sundays and Wednesdays. Make sure to find and establish a church home away from your church home. Put on the armor of God every single day as the enemy is still seeking to destroy you. Maybe now more than ever as you are away from the support system you grew up with.

If you keep God first, everything else will fall into place.

As always, keep on keeping on. One step at a time.

Congratulations on graduating!

Are You Cruising?

This past weekend I was at a Women's Retreat. (My first women's retreat ever.) The theme was "The Filling Station." Our guest speaker, Vanessa Bonner, spoke about the dangers of cruising the first night. Thinking back, I know what that looks like.

In High School I was running on empty. I looked for other ways to fill myself up. When I felt especially empty, I tried to harm myself. I had a dull knife and thought that physical pain would relieve my emotional emptiness. (I didn't manage to do any real harm.) Mostly, I went to guys. I LONGED for a relationship. Junior year, I got my wish. I met a guy and we started dating. I started felling like I was full. Everything was going good. I was cruising. I graduated and went to college. There I started to feel the drain again. My boyfriend, little by little, stopped talking to me, I felt like I was drowning at school, I didn't think my friends really liked me; I was feeling the drain once again. Not knowing how to fix it, I turned once again to my dull knife. This time I managed to get past the initial layers of skin and make a thin red line. I stopped at that point. I knew it was wrong.

I talked to my cousin and we conjured a plan. I would take a year off from school and come live with him and his parents in Vancouver, Washington. My parents obviously hated this plan and tried to talk me out of it. However, I was bound and determined. So, with a ticket bought by my cousin, I was Washington bound. However, it wasn't a fix all. I still felt drained and empty. I would wait and wait, constantly checking my phone for a text from my boyfriend (who didn't like my decision to move because it would put us father apart, but he would support my decision). Eventually, I would just text him. When I would call him, we would sit in silence. (There was the background noise of video games.) My cousin saw this and insisted I break it off. After much mental debate, more insisting from my cousin, I broke it off. It's the hardest thing I'd ever done.

After a few days, things were looking up. It was like a weight was lifted. I was a free woman! Everything was great! I was having a blast, I got on eharmony, I had a job and my Aunt and Uncle's Pizza restaurant, Vancouver Pizza Company, (best pizza ever, by the way); I was cruising again. I met Tanner on eharmony and we started dating. My mom offered me a job at her law office, so I moved back home. Then I went up to Ohio, where Tanner lived, to help him move down to Louisiana. When he proposed the weekend before my birthday, I felt like the happiest girl alive! Well, until our wedding day about three months later. We went on our honeymoon, I got settled in Louisiana, we found an amazing congregation where we would later place membership; life was great.

Then I got a call from my mom at 8:00 am on October 31st. My grandpa had gone into the bedroom to wake up my grandma only to find that she was gone. My world came crashing down. It was one of those times when you're holding the phone and you don't know what to do or what to say.

(I can't say that the whole time Tanner and I were dating, the engagement, and then the marriage I was completely cruising. I remember growing more than I had in a while in that time. However, I don't think I was completely filling myself with God either. I wasn't looking to Him as much as I should have.)

After the funeral and a few months had passed, I started cruising again. (I had not learned my lesson.) Tanner and I bought our first house, I got a job at Chick-fil-a to help with bills and to try and start a savings fund, and things were going pretty well. It wasn't long until I started to feel really drained, like I was running on empty. Tanner and I were working with the youth and I didn't feel like I had anything to give them because I didn't have anything at all! My general manager quit, another manager quit, things started going downhill fast. Somehow, I injured my knee and it hurt to stand. Thus, Tanner and I decided it was best for me to quit. I thought I had built up enough and we weren't relying on my paycheck. Well, Tanner had a couple months he didn't get a bonus. My "build-up" ran dry. We were having some financial trouble. I kept sitting there thinking, "God will provide. He will lead us to green pastures." He did. He gave us just enough. However, I was still on empty. I wasn't listening. I was just crying out for God to save me. I couldn't hear him over my cries.

Eventually, it got to the point where I needed to get a job. I started putting in applications, praying God would lead me to the right one, praying for God to save me. Eventually, longer than Tanner would have liked, I got a job at a school doing after care. It was good until they docked my hours, because they had the wrong information when they hired me, and then expected us to be tutors, and whole other messes started up.

Somewhere during this, I realized that I didn't need to cruising or filling myself with anything other than God. I started trying to pray every morning. I developed an "outline" for my prayers so I didn't forget to thank him for what he blessed me with or end up just asking for things I wanted or "needed".

I started looking for another job, really asking God what he wanted me to do. One Sunday the sermon was about spiritual gifts. We were all told a site where we could take a test to help you find your spiritual gift. Having always been curious about it, I took it excitedly. Come to find out, my top result was administrative (tasks). This aligned with what I thought I really wanted to do, work in an office, preferably a church. Going off of that, I applied at a place that needed a secretary. I was told they would like to hire me and that I needed to start the hiring process. In this time, I found out that my friend was going to move back to Texas. (Very bittersweet.) Ironically, she was the church "Office Manager". The position I had been praying for since Chick-fil-a was going to be open. (Not that I was praying for her to leave!! I just wanted a position like hers or to be able to work alongside her!) I applied for the job as soon as I found out how. With advice from my husband and my mom, I kept the other job open as a fall-back. God had his plan though. A week after my interview, I was hired. God works in mysterious ways.

When I was asked where I thought I was, I hesitated to say I was full. I knew that I had a drain, as we all do, but I didn't feel the drain like I was going to run on empty anytime soon. Life is good! God is great! Sunday morning, I found my answer to the question of where I was. Vanessa Bonner talked about when we keep ourselves full of God and not ourselves. When we do this we are "draining" into others, but God is constantly filling us. Not only are we "draining" into those around us, we are overflowing into them!

I knew that's where I was. The lesson for me, however, was to make sure I don't start cruising. I know the danger, and I don't want to be there again. I have to remember to stay aware, know when I need to refill and always keep God as my number one. I know Satan is out there ready to hit me with something, but if I stay aware and make sure I am constantly filling myself with God, He will sustain me and I will make it though with His help.

So, my question to you is, where are you? Are you cruising, running on empty, or filled with God and overflowing into those around you?

Keep on keeping on.

It's Back to School...

I'm going back to school. I'm thinking a business degree with a minor in photography or something. I bought a digital photography class off Groupon that I will start after my last day at Chick-fil-a and start college classes in the Fall. I've put the request in for my transcript from Harding, scoped out the community college here in Lafayette, scoped out what kinds of classes I will probably need, but here's where I get stuck. I don't even know where to start when it comes to financial aid.

There is also the part of me that wonders why I am even doing this, other than it was the catch in being able to quit my job. Everyone talks about how they loved college and they wish they could go back. My experience wasn't so great. I hated school. The homework, the classes, the stress of keeping grades where they need to be; it was the bane of my existence. My year at college is not one I look back on fondly. Granted I was dealing with a lot of pressure to make all A's, a boyfriend who slowly stopped talking to me, being drawn to drama queens as friends, and the loss of my car for not having higher grades. I remember feeling so alone. I was depressed. No matter how I tried to deny it. (More on that in my earlier blog What was Unknown is Now Blatantly Apparent.)

This time around, however, I have a loving husband who has already committed to helping me with any homework, a new sense of self, a firmer faith in God, and no desperation for friends who like me. Maybe this time I'll actually like college. I'm still nervous that I won't do well or that I'm picking the wrong degree, however. I guess we'll find out.

I am looking forward to cooking more again though! More home-cooked food for my wonderful husband! I'm already thinking about the things I'm going to make and how I'm going to organize the meals each week so I know what to buy for groceries. I'm thinking white rice and beef stroganoff, taco soup, homemade pizza, maybe some steak with mashed potatoes and peas, experiments with desserts; so many ideas! As well as my house being cleaner, even though I'm not really looking forward to cleaning. Cleaning is better than working at Chick-fil-a! Don't get me wrong, I love Chick-fil-a, but the one I am working out is going through some changes and so everything is just in chaos as far as working there. Of course, it doesn't help that my knee is giving me some real trouble. It's kind of a wake-up call when your knee hurts for a month and then it swells up and stays that way for (going on) two days. It is time for a change.

It looks like I am about to start a new chapter in my life. A chapter that hopefully is finished before a bigger chapter comes! I look forward to be a mom, but I'm not quite ready for that yet!

Keep on keeping on!

Ramblings of the day... or week...

Okay, there is a lot on my mind at the moment so this post is going to more me rambling and thinking out loud than it is just telling about what is going on right now. Though this may not all make sense, just work with me here. In reality, I'm actually surprised that this blog has lasted this long! Usually, I give up about a week into it. Blogging has been really good for me, even if no one reads it. I guess it just helps to sit down and write out what is going on. I have to actually think things out and, since this is the Internet, think about what I am going to say. Ha ha! I've never had an outlet like this... never thought of a blog being an outlet. I always thought about it being something to get the most views and have people comment and what not. But that really isn't what blogging is about is it? At least, that isn't what it is for me any more. It more of a way to get the emotions that get stuffed inside of me out. Okay, enough about blogging and about what I really came here to blog about. Ha ha!

So, I was at home Thanksgiving week and it was the same routine as every year. Clean, clean, clean, clean, Thanksgiving, clean. Though we did manage to see a couple movies in between all the cleaning. One of the movies was Tangled, which is a GREAT movie, by the way. I came out of the movie and the week went on. I realized that my life is much like Rapunzel's. When I am at home I am "trapped" in my house. I have to ask to go out. I am confined to the house when I can't go out unless it is with my parents. Even here I am more or less restricted. I have to make certain grades to get a certain GPA (3.5) to keep my car. And I have to keep a 3.0 to keep my scholarship to keep coming to Harding. This summer I am going to have to get a job and go to school. I was going to go up to Washington to work in my aunt and uncle's pizza shop this summer after taking some Maymester courses. But the main perk of that, besides making some good money, was getting to hang out with my cousin. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen now. (More on that later.) So, now i have to try and find a job in Dallas and figure out which of the courses at the community college are the ones I need to take and how much they are going to be and how long they are going to be. Right now, there was a course that I need to take or something that starts the day after I get back from here. Personally, that is NOT okay with me. I have so much stress because of all this that it's not even funny. I mean, I am freaking out because of finals because I want to keep my car. My parents told me they would drive me up here and back if I didn't have a 3.5. That is a 12 hour drive. I swear, I want to scream or run or something.

As for my ruined summer plans, my cousin is going into the Air Force. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the men and women that fight for our freedom, but I don't want my cousin or my good friends to be the ones risking their lives. I'm proud that he found what he wants to do and that he has the guts to do it... but I'm not happy. If he gets deployed before his four years are up, which is more than likely, I am going to worry to death! I already have a friend who is in the army... he got deployed to Afghanistan around August and I haven't heard from him since. Needless to say, I'm a little worried about him. Every time that I hear anything about the war now or about our troops, I'm going to think of Ry, my cousin. I heard the word war today and my heart dropped. *sigh*

Of course, then I have a friend that is going through a lot of stuff and I don't know how to help her. And it doesn't help that I can feel her pain. And then my other friend is going through something else and this guy is even bugging me, but I can't do anything because she wants, and needs, to do it in her own. The thing is, she is WAY too nice.

So, right now I just kinda want someone to hold me and tell me it is going to be okay and that I can do it and there is nothing to worry about... the only thing is, there are only two people who can do that... and the closest one is 12 hours away in Lubbock. It sucks because I really wish he was here. I'll be sitting in class and, randomly, I'll want to just run out of class and run, of four legs like a wolf (like, I don't know why, shift into a wolf) and run all the way to Lubbock just to be with him. I really need him here right now because he is the one that can calm me down and make everything better. When he holds me close I know that he isn't going anywhere and that he loves me for who I am, even when I am having a meltdown. The other person is Ry and he is in Washington and there is no way that I am going to get to see him anytime soon. The earliest would be January and that is only if my parents let me fly up to Washington for a week. I am going to have to BEG them... :(

Ugh. So yeah... that's pretty much everything that is going on and all the crap I am going through right now. Most days I just want to quit. 'Course, it doesn't help that is like 30 degrees outside. Oh! And when we went shopping, my checkbook came in on Sat. before we left, but the post office here is closed until Monday. So yeah.... I am going to have to go get my boots and everything to make the desserts for my speech on Monday... and I need gas... UGH!!! Sometimes I hate life..... #v.v

But I guess that is just life......

I wanna go HOME!!!

So.. I got back from a wonderful weekend home last night. It was busy and WAY to short. My friend came down with me and we went to the fair and the DC homecoming and what not. It was fun. We celebrated Cris' 21st birthday!! :/ He's 21!! Ugh! It's so WEIRD!!!! Ah well. Anyway, it was fun and I am leaving Thursday after speech to go back. Why? Because I miss home. And this weekend is going to be relaxing and NOT uber busy like this one was. Why? Because I need it.

I am exhausted. And I have two papers due in Bible. Whoop-de-do. I swear, he is out to kill me. Ugh! I am SO not taking him next semester. I just want to go home, man. I just want to be held in Cris' arms and be comforted and what not. Though, he makes me smile. He called me this morning to make sure I got up, because I had to move my car so that I didn't get a ticket, and he texted me before that, and he's been texting me all day telling me that he loves me and just making me smile. I have his jacket too... haha! I love him. He's so wonderful. ^.^

But yeah... that's what's going on right now.. I need to find something to read for my oral reading in speech on thursday (the ONLY reason I'm leaving at 3:40 instead of 12:30. -.-), and then do the bible paper, prolly start reading the book I have to do the OTHER bible paper over and OH YEAH! Visitation is until WEDNESDAY! -.- This is going to kill me...

I'm going to take a nap...

Peace.

The Sense of Pack

Wolves: they run in a pack because they have a sense of pack. This is why lone wolves are not found very often. If a wolf has no pack or is separated from its pack for a long period of time, it goes insane. Often they have to be "dealt with" by other wolves. Wolves simply NEED pack.

Coming out here, six hours away, separated me from my pack. I was a lone wolf while I didn't have any pack around me. I quickly found that my wolf and I were slowly slipping into insanity. My family and my friends (that I was close to), my pack, were all at home or other places. I started becoming
depressed, and touchy. It was easier for me to become paranoid about trivial things. All I really wanted to do was go home and stay with my pack.

But over the past week, things have changed. After last night, I feel like I have a pack again. My friend, from camp, who just happened to come here and just happened to be a few doors down, and I started talking and even though she is having issues, we talk a lot now and she invites me to do stuff with her and her other friends. (Those are also slowly becoming my friends as well.) We don't know each other that well, more than before, but she has become part of my pack now. And some of the people, that are becoming my friends through her, are becoming my pack. I feel part of a pack once again. I am no longer pulled back, depressed, or touchy. This is what I needed... what my wolf needed. I am just out there, not caring who sees or what they think. I am me and if you don't like it, then I am sorry. You can't change me.

Look out world, because my wolf and I are coming for you. :D

Crushed

I had hoped that this was going to be a more upbeat post... but as fate had it, this is not so.

I tried out for theatron today, and I messed up the monologue REALLY bad. And then I didn't make call-backs at all. So, I am/was a little depressed. Thankfully, I got back to my dorm and changed my skype status to available and one of my friends said hey and asked how I was and what was wrong and what-not. He encouraged me, still is at the moment. And then Cris, being the WONDERFUL boyfriend that he is, video chatted me and, after a back and forth of me not wanting to be seen (because I was crying) and him wanting to see me and then me just giving in, he asked what was wrong and really encouraged me and told me how wonderful I am. (I actually just said good night to him.) His mom also saw my status on facebook and encouraged me.

So, I'm feeling a little better now. I'm thinking about trying out again next year. Just wish my dream had come true. :/ To top it all off, I have a history test tomorrow morning. Whoop-de-doo. And I have to make a really good grade on it. SO yeah... I should probably go study.

TTFN.

Doubts...

So... this weekend was GREAT! Friday night I hung out with my room mate and some friends she knew from before, which was fun. Then Cris got here Saturday afternoon, and I hung out with him all weekend. The thing is... I have classes tomorrow. It sucks because it is LABOR DAY, and this is supposed to be LABOR DAY WEEKEND!!! But no. Unlike OC and many other colleges that get tomorrow off... We don't. We have classes. So, I am having breakfast with Cris tomorrow and then he is leaving... I miss him already. We had an exciting weekend! Watched The Expendables and Vampires Suck (which was hilarious but not a movie I'd recommend to my parents or my sister. Lol!) and we drove around town and what not.

But yeah... I miss home.. I miss Cris because I know he leaves tomorrow and I'll miss him more after he is gone. I am starting to wonder if this whole college thing is really for me. I mean, I'm supposedly working towards an English degree to become an author... but I don't have a minor picked out and that is one of the things I have to have to GET an English degree. And you know what? In high school, and middle school, and elementary school... I hated school. Yes, the argument can be made that there were times when I liked school. I mostly just like my friends and not the actual school part. Yes, there were a couple of classes I liked. But you know what? They were extracurricular classes. So, the question remains, why am I here? For my parents? Because it is what I am supposed to do? If not that, then what? I keep telling myself things will get better and when I join a club or put myself out there then I'll feel better. But this week, I was going to go try and be outgoing... but I had a runny nose and a cough. To try and relieve it, I went and bought supposed remedies and now I'm broke because the card my mom gave me doesn't work, I'm out of cash, and my bank isn't here. I put on a mask, like I used to do at high school, that says everything is fine and life is great. When asked how I'm doing I smile and say good! When asked what my favorite thing is here I say I don't know, because I honestly can't think of one thing... besides the food. I'm falling away from everything because I don't have a place to call home. College is not what I thought it would be. It has it's good days and it's bad days... and right now.. I just want to go home... or curl up and be held.

The question remains.

Why am I here?

So far, so good... er... okay...

So, college is good so far... I guess. Well, when you take out the feeling horrible because of allergies or something, then yeah, it's good. :) I've been becoming more outgoing, but I don't want to be because of my runny nose and cough. It kind of puts a dampener on things.

Anyway, classes are good. And I might be in a band soon. We'll see. They were looking for a singer/songwriter... but I'm really not good a writing songs... I've written lyrics before, but I always loose the tune. At any rate, I can sing, so I offered that and the guy that was looking seemed pretty excited. So, hopefully that pans out.

I ran into two of the people I knew from church back home and that was cool. They're older than me... by two years... so they make sure I'm doing okay and what not. That's pretty cool. :) My anniversary with my boyfriend is tomorrow. It will be two YEARS since we got together! Can you believe it?! Already?! But it's coming upon us! He's coming up here to celebrate with me, and I am really looking forward to that. It will be another highlight of my week.

Speaking of highlights of my week, I went to a student led devo Wednesday night and it was REALLY good! I really felt welcomed and like they WANTED me to be there. It felt really good. I mean, most of the time, I am walking down the side walk and girls look at me and most of the time I just feel judged. Even by one of my own suite-mates! Although... last night was kinda different. I was coughing up a storm in the bathroom, trying not to wake my room-mate, and she came in and asked if I was okay and if I wanted some tea. I don't know... I just need to get out of this allergy slump and be more outgoing, I guess.

But yeah, that's been my week so far. I got to talk to my parents and my sister and my grandparents last night over ichat. That was cool. It brightened my day... er... night. lol! Oh! I left my key in my dorm this morning. So I had to write my name down and what not. Thankfully, this is the first time, and, hopefully, last, it happened.

Anyway, that is pretty much it... I'm looking forward to seeing my family on the 25th for the Jason Mraz concert! That's right! He's coming here! Dr. Dogg is coming... but... it sounds kinda... yeah... lol! They are trying to get Paramore to come next semester. I REALLY hope they do because that would be freaking AWESOME! Ah... this is good... :)

Neways! I think that is all I have to say... *waits for a moment* .... Yeah! That's it! Haha!

Lates!

Fianally, my world is shrinking!

Okay... that probably sounds really weird. But I am SO happy about it! I have a speech class with someone I met LONG ago, and a few doors down is someone I used to hang out with at Bandina (church camp)! I also ran into one of the guys that went to Saturn Road. :) Of course, it helps that I've been to all of my classes and I am learning my way around the campus better. I've also noticed, that as all this is happening, my confidence has been growing! Maybe I'll put myself out there before the week ends... or... next week... hahaha!

Anyway, I went to my kinesiology, or wellness, class and the teacher is funny! So, I am actually excited about it! I know right! Who would be excited about a class where you either work out, or have lectures about how to be well? But I am! I think that the way a teacher presents him or herself, and how they approach and conduct their class, has a lot to do with weather I'm going to like it or not. What is really funny though, is my speech, or communications, teacher is my kinesiology teacher's brother. And they are alike in how they deal with their classes. Therefore, I am, surprisingly, excited about speech! I have a feeling that Tuesdays and Thursdays are going to be my fun days. Haha!

Unfortunately, though, I have to go out and buy a BUNCH of stuff for my art class tomorrow. Ugh. Though the funny thing is, my teacher grew up and went to church where I did... er... do.. something... ANYWAY! Haha! So, that is pretty cool. :) I'd better go get those before the store closes... *sigh*

But anyway, overall today was a really good day! Thank you, God! ^.^ Well, ta ta for now!

On My Own...

So... my parents just left. Yeah... My dorm room looks great though! I honestly don't really know what to say... I already miss them... but I think that if I keep myself occupied.. like writing this... for now, I can keep calm. Unfortunately... I really don't know what to say... At least my bed is comfortable! Haha!

Well... I guess I'll go then...

Toodleoo!

My lovely sister

My wonderful father

My beautiful Mother. :)

I miss you all!!!

A leap of faith... amongst other things.

Well... tomorrow is THE DAY. I take one of the biggest leaps of my life tomorrow. Needless to say, I am UBERLY nervous!! All of my clothes are packed and my closet is looking very empty! I can't believe it's happening! I am SO scared... though I know I'll be fine. It's just... wow... That is really all I can say right now. Thankfully, I got my car to rigged to play my ipod a while back, or this would be a LONG trip. lol!

Well... wish me luck. I'm going to need it. Hahaha!

Weird

Yesterday my sister, Meredith, started school. I know, what's the big deal? Well, she and I went to the same campus for the past four years. She is in middle school, but it's a private school so kids from preschool to seniors are all on the same campus. So when she went off to school yesterday and I didn't go with her, it felt really weird! Today still felt weird. Though I am glad to be out of the uniforms. Hahaha!

Anyway, while Meredith was at school, my friend and I decorated shoes and shirts! I was impressed at how well mine came out! And I learned exactly how to spray-paint. lol! So now I think I'll get some shoes to decorate for myself... when I get up enough money again. As for the spray-painting, I'm going to finally do a piece of art with it that I've been wanting to do for a while.

In other news (lol!), Cris, my wonderful boyfriend, is coming back today! I'm ecstatic. Haha! It's only six days until I leave for college and he will be here for them. :) *shudders* Six days... WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?! v.v# At least I've got everything... I think... O.o This is nerve-racking. Though the funny thing is, my mom is nervous too. Though she is more nervous that she is going to run into someone she went to college with and won't remember who they are. Yes, I am going to the college my mom went to. It's a good, and beautiful, college! :D My aunt's both went there as well. So... it's kind of a family thing. On my mom's side anyway. Though my mom would've have been okay if I had gone somewhere else. But Harding feels like home, so that is where I'm going. However, right now, I am REALLY nervous.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll be fine. :) But I'm really stoked about seeing Cris. XD

Well, Too-del-ee-do! (Hahaha! XD)

La De Da De Da...

Okay... so, today I was really sluggish! I don't know why. I mean, I was taking a nap earlier because stupid me stayed up until two last night. Anyway, I woke up to my mom coming in my room, but I woke from a semi-nightmare and I couldn't even keep my eyes open or talk or lift my head or anything! It was weird...

Though, tomorrow I am going to get my comforter! Yay! And then I am going to go look at the container store and Bed, Bath, and Beyond for some other things for my dorm! :D And hopefully Cris, my boyfriend, will come back soon so I can see him and what not before I leave. :) Which is in like... in a week in a half... O.O But... ya!

Anyway, this is going to be really short as I don't have anything else to say... hahaha! Anyway, peace out peeps! XD

What? I'm a night person! What can I say?

So you may be wondering why the sam hill I am up at this hour. Well, I'll tell you... I don't know. Hahahaha! But I've been up later, so I think I can handle this. At any rate, as of today (since this is thursday... even if it is in the wee hours of the morning) I move into Harding (Sears Hall! Yay!) in two weeks. Holly cracker jacks. Time just LOVES to speed by me. All I can hope for is that Sunday, and the time when Cris (my wonderful boyfriend) is here, goes very slowly... though I know it won't. That fact just kind of depresses me.

I am SO nervous and SO excited all at the same time!! I mean... Harding is going to be GREAT! I know it is... but... I've only taken one trip all by my lonesome, and.. well.. it wasn't the greatest experience of my life. I was glad I did it... but yeesh! Of course, I didn't know a single person on that trip. I don't know, I guess I'm just freaking out about not having my parents close any longer. They'll be six hours away! And what am I going to do for money?! My mom and I decided that the first semester I shouldn't have a job as it could add on to the anxiety and stress. But I keep thinking that I won't have any money and therefore won't be able to do anything. I'm probably just freaking out over nothing. But it still is a thought! The other thing is... I don't even know where to begin or how to pack! I look around my room and start freaking out a little. I need to calm down. lol!

Tomorrow, however, I am going to go to Best Buy to see about me getting a new laptop for college since I currently only have a desktop. lol! The one I'm hoping to get is red and black, has a webcam, windows 7, AND a blue-ray player. :) It's exciting. :D hahaha! I really hope that I can get Photoshop CS3 as well. That would be AWESOME!! :D And I need a small, but really good, printer. Gr.. AND I still haven't gotten a comforter... or ways to decorate my walls. This is going to be a difficult two weeks. O.o

On that note, I should probably go to bed seeing as it is just oh... 2:04 in the morning. lol! And so, I shall bid you adieu until next time. :D

Goodnight!

O.o

Well, there is lots of stuff going on... in my head at least. We decided, last minuet (aka, last week), that we would go on a five day cruise to Mexico, leaving on the 24th out of Galveston. I am a little excited, but not as much since I found out that the internet costs $25 an hour. Yay. But I've always wanted to go on a cruise... though I am a little nervous. lol!

Of course... I am starting to get really nervous about college. And I don't have everything I need yet... though I'm not sure of everything... but I am sure that I still need a laptop and a comforter. Those just might come in handy. Hahaha! At any rate, my brain is overflowing. I mean, I move in about four weeks from now... I'm REALLY nervous... and, though I hate to admit it, scared. On top of that, I don't know HOW I'm packing all my stuff... and..... *takes a deep breath*

I'm fine.... er... I will be...

I'm just going to go now... prolly relax somewhere... maybe I need this cruise....

I'm back!! ... maybe...

Hey! So... I know I haven't been on in a while. There is a really good reason for that. In my family, you mess up once and you get grounded from everything until who knows when. So right now I just have my itouch. It took four weeks but I have it.

Anyway! My birthday has come and gone and I am now officially an adult! Woo hoo! Got my dl renewed, and I won't have to do it again until 2016!! And even then I can do it online. But yeah! So that's exciting. What isn't exciting is my boyfriend left with his dad, to go work for him... 6 hours away from here, the day after I came back from summer experience, which is where I got registered for my classes for college. O.o Anyway, I didn't know til that day and so, after already being on an emotional roller coster and being scared about college... I was in a slump and crying my eyes out... Er as much as I could while driving.

Of course then I went and saw Wicked... Second row, middle seats... In other words, AWESOME!!!! In other good news, I finally got my car rigged to play my itouch!! Woo hoo! No flipping through radio stations while driving to college!! Lol!

Anyway, that's what's been up with me lately. :)

Time flys...

Has it really been four years? Am I really done with high school? Wasn't it just last week I was starting high school? And yesterday that I started senior year? Wasn't it just a couple of days ago that I started dating Cris? Holy moly, how time flys.

Graduation is just around the bend... and I know this is only he beginning. Soon I'll be looking back on this post and graduating from college...

Wow... that's scary....

At any rate... goodnight for now... things are only going to get fast... O.o

BANG!!! Xp

... I don't even know where to begin. Well, this week has been crazy to begin with... having practice until seven and all. And then a truckload of work on top of that. Whoever came up with the idea that the teachers should assign major projects the last two days of last week and haven them due at the end of this week needs to be shot... somewhere non-lethal, of course.

Then there is this morning. I grabbed a poster board for English, since I can't really hook up with my partner after school, only to find out that she had an idea and was going to buy it at lunch today. And it didn't matter that I told her I have practice all this week from 4 to 7... because she still wanted to hook up after school and so I told her again today. Well, our project is due Thursday... so she told me that I could type up everything and she would put it all on the poster. I was already angry and upset and stressed enough... and after she said that... and I agreed (because what else was I going to say?)... I was ready to slam everything down and call it quits.

Oh! And I still don't have my car, so when I was trying to bring my dresses up here for theater, and dad can't get up here for lunch (because I have practice today at lunch... and oh yeah! No lunch. And, after seeing my boyfriend for the first time in four days, I won't get to see him because of it... XP) he tried to have me take them with me. Well, I don't have a dang place to put them!! And he got frustrated with them so some are off of their hangers! What the heck am I supposed to do?! But do my parents give me any leeway when it comes to grades and my car? NO!!! And dad is all like, "Yes, we are just mean." And I seriously just wanted to scream and cry!!

This is supposed to be a happy time! But no. I'm stressed as all get out, I want to not care but I can't, and I REALLY don't want to be home right now.

Of course, then there is all the thank you notes I have to write, the scholarship applications to fill out and complete, the job application I have to fill out for college so I can get a job with them and not worry about breaks and what-not - I am ready to give up all hope...