Exhausted

I have the best job in the world. Being a stay-at-home mom is really the best.

It's also the hardest job in the world.

There are no words of wisdom or warnings or anything that could have prepared me enough for this job. Especially now that my wonderful 9 (closer to 10! 😭 ) month old is crawling and pulling up on everything. And trust me when I say, I was warned and I believed all the warnings.

My job is the most rewarding and the most exhausting. Because it's not just about raising her, and keeping her fed, and changed, and bathed, and healthy, and out of trouble, and alive. Nope. It also means that I am the manger of the house. Which means keeping the house clean (and hopefully company ready), doing the dishes, doing the laundry (and putting it away), doing the budget and paying the bills and managing our finances (because I'm the nerd and it's just what I do), making dinner, planning meals, grocery shopping, keeping the calendar (again.. I just like to be organized and make sure we don't double book or anything), and organizing the house. Then, of course, I have to take care of myself! Which means, making sure I eat (healthy), getting some exercise in, and making sure to take a shower hopefully once a day, and try to squeeze in some me time so I don't go completely insane. By the end of the day, I don't want to do anything except sit on the couch and watch something or read a book.

And as an insight, as I write this, I still haven't gotten my exercise or shower in.. so I'm still in my workout clothes..

And let me tell you. There is nothing like a small child to open your eyes to the mess and chaos of your home. It doesn't matter if you have hardwood (or a look-a-like), tile, concrete, or carpet; your floors are dirty. SO dirty. I am struggling to even wrap my brain around how to get my floors clean so I don't have to wipe her little hands and feet off all the time. Because I can't just vacuum them.. No.. That would be too easy. With my downstairs (which is where we are 99.99% of the time), we have vinyl that looks like hardwood. (I struggle to see why it's such a fad..) So, not only do I have to vacuum or sweep the floors, I have to mop them as well! Add all of her toys and such that I need to pick up or do something with before I clean the floors and my brain just spazzes out.
(Seriously.. give me carpet any day over these floors.. not to mention, carpet is softer to fall on. 😛 Though I do understand them in the eating, bathroom, and kitchen areas.)

It doesn't stop at the floors either! They learn to pull up, and you realize even more that the nicely organized shelves are no longer safe for.. well.. anything. So, now you need to find a new place in your home or buy new furniture so you have a safe place for the things in those now easy to reach places. For example. I have craft shelves with gel pens and cards and such. There is currently and obstacle in front of these, yet my dear Eden has still managed to find a way to try and grab them. So, I'm shopping storage furniture as there isn't another good place for these things.

It's enough to make one dizzy or go mad. And I'm exhausted.

This is where I take a deep breath.

Because I'm not doing all of this completely alone. I have a wonderful husband who works daily to bring home paychecks to make this all possible. I couldn't be home with our baby girl if it wasn't for him. He's the best.

I have friends and family that are willing to help if only I'd reach out to them and ask. (I'm really bad at asking...)

And most importantly, I have God on my side. He is the giver of life and peace and the great provider. He is mighty!

So, if you read this and can empathize with my plight. If you can relate on so many levels. If it sounds like exactly what you're going through as well. First of all, you're amazing! Remember that you are loved and that you have the almighty God on your side. He will lift you up and walk right beside you. Reach out to your family and friends when you are feeling overwhelmed and in over your head. (I know I need to.) You're not alone. We are better together.

And if you have any helpful suggestions on any of my predicaments, seriously, leave a comment! Shoot me a message! Find a way to let me know! Because I'm all ears! 99% of the time, you know something that I would never have thought of in a million years. So, thank you in advance!

To all of my exhausted parent friends out there, you got this. Keep on keeping on.

Creative Stir Crazy

Have you ever been at home so long that you feel this insatiable need to go anywhere else? Like you can't get out of the house soon enough. Like you've been cooped up for too long and you need to RUN or you'll just go crazy! It's what we call being Stir Crazy.

I am beginning to feel that way, but it's not about getting out of my house, it's creative. I feel like I'm in a creative rut and I can't get out of it. It's like I have all this creativity, but no outlet. I think about writing, but I don't know what to write and I'm stuck at a point in my story that I don't know how to get the main character to point B. I think about painting, but I don't know what to paint and even if I did, when on EARTH would I have the time?! (Seriously. We have something happening every single Saturday this month. I might just puke.) And anything that would be creative but costs money is NOT an option because we are trying to save every last penny (except a few for Christmas Gifts) to be able to buy a car since mine decided to quit. (We had to sell it.. It's really sad.. RIP 2007 Pontiac G6 GT Turbo V6 Hardtop Convertible, beloved first car.)

I'm exhausted.

It's a never ending cycle of insanity that leads me further down a sinking pit. My brain is foggy, my emotions are unreliable, and I'm feeling more anti-social by the minute. I have mixed feelings of wanting to slam my head on the desk and wanting to just curl up in a ball in my bed and go to sleep forever. It's like there is a person with their hands in the air, eye twitching, running around and screaming like mad man.

My brain is a dark place right now. (Thus the going to sleep so I don't have feel or think about it. #numbing) It's terrible. I know.

So yeah. There's my dark, self-deprecating post for the year.

I know I can't be the only one who is feeling this way or has felt this way at some point, so if you have any suggestions about how to get out of this insane cycle, feel free the leave it in the comments. I read every comment, I promise.

Anyhoo, I'm out. Peace.

Heartbroken

In the past few days, there has been a shooting in Baton Rouge (an hour away from where I live), and a shooting in the city I grew up in, Dallas. I am sickened. I am angry. I am heartbroken.

I admit I don't know a lot of what happened in Baton Rouge and I don't know much of what happened in Dallas. What I do know is a man was killed who happened to be black and mass amount of people are enraged because the color of peoples skin. So enraged that people of the same skin color are stopping traffic to "protest". So enraged that they "protest" in a violent way and 5 officers/security guards lost their lives.

When will it stop?!

Nothing is about skin color. No one is being oppressed unless it is of their own doing. If you really think something is happening, there is a peaceful way of doing it. Look at Martin Luther King Jr. Look at Gandhi. Violence to bring about change is doing nothing. How is what you have done any better than what that cop in Baton Rouge supposedly did?

Stop with the hashtags. Stop with the "protests". Stop with the madness. This isn't solving anything.

A people divided is a people conquerable. Nothing will get done until we band together. All lives matter. Not just a certain skin color or ethnicity. All people are God's children and we should treat them as such.

My heart is broken. I am in tears for the families that lost loved ones. I am in tears for people who are so lost that they think this is okay. I pray for those people. I pray God shows up in a BIG way in their lives. I pray they find Him and His peace. I hope you will join me in prayer. Through Christ, all things are possible and all things can be healed.

Pray for the families. Pray for the "protesters". Pray for peace. For God is the ruler of all things.

I am done with "Romance Reality" shows!

Out of pure curiosity, I have been watching "I Wanna Marry 'Harry'" and "The Bachelorette". Though "I Wanna Marry 'Harry'" ended well, I have found that I think these types of shows are the most rediculous. I have never liked shows like "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette" and never understood why girls were so into them.

Now that I have actually watched a couple, I can see the appeal they can have. Fancy dates, romantic excursions, and enough drama to keep it interesting and to keep you guessing. However, the extent of the drama - especially when it's multiple girls vying for a guy - is absolutely insane! All these girls fighting and then acting like everything is okay in front of the guy, along with acting like they never said anything behind others backs or started fights because they wouldn't even dream of doing that. Thus lying to the guys face saying they didn't do those things when they CLEARLY did, claiming that they've been completely genuine...

I could rant for a while. It's classic high school drama played out by ladies in their 20's. It's sad really. It's sad because drama queens are out there and there are a lot of them. I don't understand the whole self-centered, entitled personality. I am not suggesting that girls are the only ones with this type of personality. Several men have it as well. It's a "Gaston" type of view. "I'm the best looking, so I should get the girl. I'm the obvious choice!" Disgusting.

I honestly feel bad for the people on those shows that aren't "drama queens" or "Gaston's". Usually, those are the girls or guys that get beaten on the most. If I was a single girl on one of those shows, I wouldn't want to act as if all the others were my friends. That makes no sense to me. So, I would be the one that would feel attacked all the time because the others wouldn't understand my lack of wanting to be friends with my competitors. (Honestly, who wants to be friends with someone who is vying for the attention of the same man as you?)

Clearly, I am not fond of these shows. Once "The Bachelorette" is over, I am so done. No more drama-filled, crazy, multi-date shows for me! I'll stick to the fiction syfy fun shows like "Castle", "Beauty and the Beast", "Grimm", and "Sherlock". ;)

For those of you who do like the dating shows, that is great! They just aren't for me. :)

Keep on keeping on!

So Many Thoughts!

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O.o

My brain is absolute craziness. Today, there are about a million thoughts running through my head. Everything from financials to planning events to things around the house to food. There is so much stuff going on in my head, I don't think it will all be able to come out! They are getting so mushed together.

I've been putting together the Jr. High Scoop, which is like a newsletter of the events that are going on, for the Youth Group. We are trying to do more with them and get the parents involved. This month, I'm planning the Scavenger Hunt and the students are wanting to go to God's Not Dead as well as go bowling together after church Sunday. And they want to go this month! I feel like I've escalated from just doing the newsletter to kind of planning the calendar for the Jr. High! I don't mind at all, but I also don't want to do it by myself. I need a sound board to bounce ideas off of like what even should/ could go where. I also don't want to overstep and "take over" the Jr. High from the youth minister. I definitely don't want to step on anyone's toes. So where is the balance? Thankfully, we are having a youth leader meeting soon and we can get this all ironed out. I hope.

As for the rest of the things in my head, we are looking at putting up shelves to get rid of the shelves we currently have. With that comes all the questions. What do we want them to look like? How much are we willing to spend? Where are we going to put them? Do we want hanging shelves or standing bookshelves or both? Are we going to make them or buy them? What dimensions do they need to be? Who has the best deal?

Along with that, my wonderful husband sold his car yesterday. It was sad, but we are looking for a truck which will be better in the long run. Unfortunately, that means we are down to one car. Thus, while he is at work, I'm stuck at home unless I drive him to work and pick him up. It's quite the predicament.

We are also thinking about getting a dog. A friend of ours doesn't have time for their precious dachshund terrier mix and Tanner has been really wanting a dog. She is already house trained, kennel trained, and knows a few tricks so we wouldn't have to worry about a whole lot of training. She also doesn't shed a whole lot, so that's a plus. But our backyard has some low spots, which we want to fix anyway, and we don't want to get her and not be able to afford everything. We'd also need someone to dog sit if we got her before Easter as we are headed to Dallas for that weekend.

With all these things running through my brain all at once, it's kind of a mess. Hopefully, I can get it sorted out soon. That would be nice.

Keep on keeping on.

Elisabeth

Crazy Week, Exciting Week!

Well. It has been a crazy week! Last week I went from helping with the youth here and there and simply wishing I could go with the youth group to Uplift (church camp at Harding University). Now I have been out almost every day this week doing something youth related and getting ready to leave for Uplift tomorrow morning! Monday I helped make a video to try and get the youth pumped up about Uplift, Tuesday I worked on getting the video to the person that was editing it, Wednesday I was at the building early before class with my husband and we went and picked up pizza and drinks for that night because it was the last day in the old building and picture day where I took the updated group pictures we needed.

Today I am doing the rest of the laundry, figuring out what Tanner is going to need while I am gone, packing everything I can before tomorrow at 6:00 am (since I have to be at the building at 7:00 am). I am so excited but I am also super nervous. This will be the first year that I will being to Uplift as a chaperon. I'm not completely sure what to expect, but I know I will taking a lot of pictures and videos! I am so excited that I get to use my love of taking pictures for something bigger than just my family and whatever random objects I find lying around.

I've been thinking about starting my own photography/videography business. I don't know how I would start it or anything. Perhaps I would make a facebook page with some professional looking pictures... Maybe one day.

Anyway, I am super pumped to be going this week! Even if Tanner won't be joining us. I am hoping that this time apart will be good for us though. I am going to miss him like crazy, but I know that time apart is sometimes a good thing.

If you can, keep this week and the chaperons and the youth and Tanner in your prayers. I'm praying that we will have a fantastic week and Tanner and I don't miss each other too terribly. :)

Keep on keeping on!

Wardrobe update? What?

Recently, I've been feeling like I need to update my wardrobe. I wear t-shirt and jeans everyday. It's comfy! I don't think there is anything wrong with that. But since my closet is mostly made up of t-shirts, I figured it was time to start weeding out the ones I don't wear as often or care about as much. And I have so little skirts and blouses for church, maybe I should actually buy a few dresses and some more "girly" outfits. I've even started carrying a purse. (Look out! The world just turned upside down!) I know, it's crazy.

I think that may have been what started all this though. Ever since I became and Independent Scentsy Consultant, I have had catalogs to give out and carry with me. (Usually, people don't want to wait while one goes out to their car to get one.) So, I decided that I should give my purse a little more use than just Sunday morning. Then I started looking at getting a new purse, because mine wasn't exactly cutting it anymore, and then I started watching TLC's "What Not To Wear", and now I'm thinking about getting more skirts and blouses and dresses. Who have I become?!

So, now I am working up some money to invest in my psychotic break. :P I'm thinking things that will help me look slimmer and help me feel pretty and confidant. Though I am still going to keep some of my t-shirts, I may invest in some new jeans. Maybe even black.. or a different color..

Oh goodness. I've gone off the deep end. O.o

Wish me luck!

Keep on keeping on. ;)

BANG!!! Xp

... I don't even know where to begin. Well, this week has been crazy to begin with... having practice until seven and all. And then a truckload of work on top of that. Whoever came up with the idea that the teachers should assign major projects the last two days of last week and haven them due at the end of this week needs to be shot... somewhere non-lethal, of course.

Then there is this morning. I grabbed a poster board for English, since I can't really hook up with my partner after school, only to find out that she had an idea and was going to buy it at lunch today. And it didn't matter that I told her I have practice all this week from 4 to 7... because she still wanted to hook up after school and so I told her again today. Well, our project is due Thursday... so she told me that I could type up everything and she would put it all on the poster. I was already angry and upset and stressed enough... and after she said that... and I agreed (because what else was I going to say?)... I was ready to slam everything down and call it quits.

Oh! And I still don't have my car, so when I was trying to bring my dresses up here for theater, and dad can't get up here for lunch (because I have practice today at lunch... and oh yeah! No lunch. And, after seeing my boyfriend for the first time in four days, I won't get to see him because of it... XP) he tried to have me take them with me. Well, I don't have a dang place to put them!! And he got frustrated with them so some are off of their hangers! What the heck am I supposed to do?! But do my parents give me any leeway when it comes to grades and my car? NO!!! And dad is all like, "Yes, we are just mean." And I seriously just wanted to scream and cry!!

This is supposed to be a happy time! But no. I'm stressed as all get out, I want to not care but I can't, and I REALLY don't want to be home right now.

Of course, then there is all the thank you notes I have to write, the scholarship applications to fill out and complete, the job application I have to fill out for college so I can get a job with them and not worry about breaks and what-not - I am ready to give up all hope...

The stress that comes from being a Senior.

Grades, parents, church stuff, tests, cars, homework - AH!! All of it seems to pile up! And on top of all of that, thinking about the future and my writing that I want to turn into a carreer! And then I have allergies or something at the moment, so I'm coughing and my nose is all stuffed up and, well, it's just bad.

At any rate, I (thankfully) finished my senior board for church last night. One more thing crossed off the ever growing list. And then my dad was starting to go all crazy on me last night. And then I toss and turn last night with strange dreams hautning me once again. #v.v Oy. Hopefully things will calm down over the next few days.

In other news, our theater teacher has decided on doing a musical that is a combination of many broadway musicals. I think it will be fun and I'm thinking about trying out. Unfortunately, the tryouts are today and monday and I just found out yesterday. Then there is my nasal condition at the moment that is making me a little reluctant. Plus, I'd have to come up with a song to sing and have it ready to perform by Monday. O.o At least I'm thinking about it anyway.

Well, that is really all I have to say at the moment... Perhaps, if I have anything, I'll post tomorrow.

Later.