Sunday, September 5, 2010


So... this weekend was GREAT! Friday night I hung out with my room mate and some friends she knew from before, which was fun. Then Cris got here Saturday afternoon, and I hung out with him all weekend. The thing is... I have classes tomorrow. It sucks because it is LABOR DAY, and this is supposed to be LABOR DAY WEEKEND!!! But no. Unlike OC and many other colleges that get tomorrow off... We don't. We have classes. So, I am having breakfast with Cris tomorrow and then he is leaving... I miss him already. We had an exciting weekend! Watched The Expendables and Vampires Suck (which was hilarious but not a movie I'd recommend to my parents or my sister. Lol!) and we drove around town and what not.

But yeah... I miss home.. I miss Cris because I know he leaves tomorrow and I'll miss him more after he is gone. I am starting to wonder if this whole college thing is really for me. I mean, I'm supposedly working towards an English degree to become an author... but I don't have a minor picked out and that is one of the things I have to have to GET an English degree. And you know what? In high school, and middle school, and elementary school... I hated school. Yes, the argument can be made that there were times when I liked school. I mostly just like my friends and not the actual school part. Yes, there were a couple of classes I liked. But you know what? They were extracurricular classes. So, the question remains, why am I here? For my parents? Because it is what I am supposed to do? If not that, then what? I keep telling myself things will get better and when I join a club or put myself out there then I'll feel better. But this week, I was going to go try and be outgoing... but I had a runny nose and a cough. To try and relieve it, I went and bought supposed remedies and now I'm broke because the card my mom gave me doesn't work, I'm out of cash, and my bank isn't here. I put on a mask, like I used to do at high school, that says everything is fine and life is great. When asked how I'm doing I smile and say good! When asked what my favorite thing is here I say I don't know, because I honestly can't think of one thing... besides the food. I'm falling away from everything because I don't have a place to call home. College is not what I thought it would be. It has it's good days and it's bad days... and right now.. I just want to go home... or curl up and be held.

The question remains.

Why am I here?

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