Creative Stir Crazy

Have you ever been at home so long that you feel this insatiable need to go anywhere else? Like you can't get out of the house soon enough. Like you've been cooped up for too long and you need to RUN or you'll just go crazy! It's what we call being Stir Crazy.

I am beginning to feel that way, but it's not about getting out of my house, it's creative. I feel like I'm in a creative rut and I can't get out of it. It's like I have all this creativity, but no outlet. I think about writing, but I don't know what to write and I'm stuck at a point in my story that I don't know how to get the main character to point B. I think about painting, but I don't know what to paint and even if I did, when on EARTH would I have the time?! (Seriously. We have something happening every single Saturday this month. I might just puke.) And anything that would be creative but costs money is NOT an option because we are trying to save every last penny (except a few for Christmas Gifts) to be able to buy a car since mine decided to quit. (We had to sell it.. It's really sad.. RIP 2007 Pontiac G6 GT Turbo V6 Hardtop Convertible, beloved first car.)

I'm exhausted.

It's a never ending cycle of insanity that leads me further down a sinking pit. My brain is foggy, my emotions are unreliable, and I'm feeling more anti-social by the minute. I have mixed feelings of wanting to slam my head on the desk and wanting to just curl up in a ball in my bed and go to sleep forever. It's like there is a person with their hands in the air, eye twitching, running around and screaming like mad man.

My brain is a dark place right now. (Thus the going to sleep so I don't have feel or think about it. #numbing) It's terrible. I know.

So yeah. There's my dark, self-deprecating post for the year.

I know I can't be the only one who is feeling this way or has felt this way at some point, so if you have any suggestions about how to get out of this insane cycle, feel free the leave it in the comments. I read every comment, I promise.

Anyhoo, I'm out. Peace.

No good, really crudy, completely horrible day.

Have you ever had a day where everything seems to be against you? Like nothing can go right? Well, that was my day. I am exhausted and stressed and worn out. I mean, I only have six days of classes left to bring my grades up to A's. And my teachers are giving me projects, and I'm up at the school until six thirty or later everyday, and then I come home and try to do homework...

Like today, I was down because I didn't get to show my music video in class today, that I am extremely proud of, because we ran out of time. Well, then I go to practice, hoping I get another solo for Muse in "Mamma, I'm a Big Girl Now," only to find out that I'm just the mom who hardly does anything and the girls that got the solos are the ones who usually get the solos. I mean, how am I supposed to shine if I don't get any opportunites to do so?

So I get in the car and I'm already crying... but then I get home and there are a bunch of people in my kitchen. My mom was hosting a Pampered Chef party and I totally forgot. So I quickly walked back to my room so that no one could see my face and I could go cry in the privacy and darkness of my room. When my face cleared and my sobbing stopped, I joined them and had a good talk with my aunt Cristy. :) The brownies were delicious.

After everyone left, I had to do my Bible project. I had to look up a religon and find out stuff about it so that I can present it to the class. I found one that looked fairly easy and found a few good sites, e-mailed them to myself... and I basically going to wing it. My brain is maxed out to do anything more. Plus, I need to get the huge photoshop portfolio done. Xp

So yeah... that how my life is at the moment. One of the girls, who does most of the choreography, is doing a dance call at her house on Saturday. From my understanding, it's if you need any help. My plan is to sleep in.. plus, I don't know where her house is. lol! Anyway, I need some sleep... and some relaxation...