I wanna go HOME!!!

So.. I got back from a wonderful weekend home last night. It was busy and WAY to short. My friend came down with me and we went to the fair and the DC homecoming and what not. It was fun. We celebrated Cris' 21st birthday!! :/ He's 21!! Ugh! It's so WEIRD!!!! Ah well. Anyway, it was fun and I am leaving Thursday after speech to go back. Why? Because I miss home. And this weekend is going to be relaxing and NOT uber busy like this one was. Why? Because I need it.

I am exhausted. And I have two papers due in Bible. Whoop-de-do. I swear, he is out to kill me. Ugh! I am SO not taking him next semester. I just want to go home, man. I just want to be held in Cris' arms and be comforted and what not. Though, he makes me smile. He called me this morning to make sure I got up, because I had to move my car so that I didn't get a ticket, and he texted me before that, and he's been texting me all day telling me that he loves me and just making me smile. I have his jacket too... haha! I love him. He's so wonderful. ^.^

But yeah... that's what's going on right now.. I need to find something to read for my oral reading in speech on thursday (the ONLY reason I'm leaving at 3:40 instead of 12:30. -.-), and then do the bible paper, prolly start reading the book I have to do the OTHER bible paper over and OH YEAH! Visitation is until WEDNESDAY! -.- This is going to kill me...

I'm going to take a nap...

Peace.

Home?

When I first got here, I never thought that I would feel at home in my dorm. But I do now. And yet, I don't. It's home... yet, it's not. I miss Dallas. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my family, though not the occasional drama. I miss knowing where I am all the time and the easy access to my bank and my money. I miss Saturn Road. I miss TEXAS! I miss the restaurants and foods that are in texas and not here. I miss having good food all of the time instead of caf food, which is only occasionally good. I miss home. And I am counting down the days until I go home on the 15th.

There are days, like today, when I try not to cry... try to keep it together... because I miss so many things. I know this is my home away from home, but it's hard to be away from so many people you love. There are times when I am surrounded by people, yet I feel completely alone. I want to be held, be hugged, be comforted... but the only person that can really do that, at this point in my life, is 12 freaking hours away! Well, the only other person is in Washington... I won't be seeing him until, hopefully, January.

Yeah.. I skype him, and we talk... but it's not the same as when you are in person and he can wrap his arms around my shoulders and tell me everything is okay while I cry into his chest. I can't do that through a video... and right now, that is what I really need. I love him to death and he has this way of comforting me that makes everything seem so much better. I miss him... :/

12 days... I don't know if I can wait that long...

The Sense of Pack

Wolves: they run in a pack because they have a sense of pack. This is why lone wolves are not found very often. If a wolf has no pack or is separated from its pack for a long period of time, it goes insane. Often they have to be "dealt with" by other wolves. Wolves simply NEED pack.

Coming out here, six hours away, separated me from my pack. I was a lone wolf while I didn't have any pack around me. I quickly found that my wolf and I were slowly slipping into insanity. My family and my friends (that I was close to), my pack, were all at home or other places. I started becoming
depressed, and touchy. It was easier for me to become paranoid about trivial things. All I really wanted to do was go home and stay with my pack.

But over the past week, things have changed. After last night, I feel like I have a pack again. My friend, from camp, who just happened to come here and just happened to be a few doors down, and I started talking and even though she is having issues, we talk a lot now and she invites me to do stuff with her and her other friends. (Those are also slowly becoming my friends as well.) We don't know each other that well, more than before, but she has become part of my pack now. And some of the people, that are becoming my friends through her, are becoming my pack. I feel part of a pack once again. I am no longer pulled back, depressed, or touchy. This is what I needed... what my wolf needed. I am just out there, not caring who sees or what they think. I am me and if you don't like it, then I am sorry. You can't change me.

Look out world, because my wolf and I are coming for you. :D

Crushed

I had hoped that this was going to be a more upbeat post... but as fate had it, this is not so.

I tried out for theatron today, and I messed up the monologue REALLY bad. And then I didn't make call-backs at all. So, I am/was a little depressed. Thankfully, I got back to my dorm and changed my skype status to available and one of my friends said hey and asked how I was and what was wrong and what-not. He encouraged me, still is at the moment. And then Cris, being the WONDERFUL boyfriend that he is, video chatted me and, after a back and forth of me not wanting to be seen (because I was crying) and him wanting to see me and then me just giving in, he asked what was wrong and really encouraged me and told me how wonderful I am. (I actually just said good night to him.) His mom also saw my status on facebook and encouraged me.

So, I'm feeling a little better now. I'm thinking about trying out again next year. Just wish my dream had come true. :/ To top it all off, I have a history test tomorrow morning. Whoop-de-doo. And I have to make a really good grade on it. SO yeah... I should probably go study.

TTFN.

Ish Happy. :)

This morning, I was awoken by my four alarms... but didn't want to get up. But when I really needed to, I got a text from Cris telling me he loved me. Needless to say, BEST way to wake up. He's wonderful. :) I've been reminded everyday, from Saturday to so far, by him, that he loves me. I love it. :) He tells me he loves me a hundred times a day, and guess what? I love it!

So, I walk outside to go to chapel, and it's raining. The sad part is, my hair actually looked good this morning, and I didn't have to do anything to it. And I think I was supposed to get my picture taken for the yearbook today. But anyway. lol! Oh! And I've taught myself how to sign Never Alone by Barlow Girl. :) It's fun.

Basically, it's been a good day. I know I am loved, and cared for, and that I am special. I am never alone. Though he may not be by my side, he is with me. He makes me smile and he warms my heart.

I love you, Cris, meine liebe. :)