Doubts...

So... this weekend was GREAT! Friday night I hung out with my room mate and some friends she knew from before, which was fun. Then Cris got here Saturday afternoon, and I hung out with him all weekend. The thing is... I have classes tomorrow. It sucks because it is LABOR DAY, and this is supposed to be LABOR DAY WEEKEND!!! But no. Unlike OC and many other colleges that get tomorrow off... We don't. We have classes. So, I am having breakfast with Cris tomorrow and then he is leaving... I miss him already. We had an exciting weekend! Watched The Expendables and Vampires Suck (which was hilarious but not a movie I'd recommend to my parents or my sister. Lol!) and we drove around town and what not.

But yeah... I miss home.. I miss Cris because I know he leaves tomorrow and I'll miss him more after he is gone. I am starting to wonder if this whole college thing is really for me. I mean, I'm supposedly working towards an English degree to become an author... but I don't have a minor picked out and that is one of the things I have to have to GET an English degree. And you know what? In high school, and middle school, and elementary school... I hated school. Yes, the argument can be made that there were times when I liked school. I mostly just like my friends and not the actual school part. Yes, there were a couple of classes I liked. But you know what? They were extracurricular classes. So, the question remains, why am I here? For my parents? Because it is what I am supposed to do? If not that, then what? I keep telling myself things will get better and when I join a club or put myself out there then I'll feel better. But this week, I was going to go try and be outgoing... but I had a runny nose and a cough. To try and relieve it, I went and bought supposed remedies and now I'm broke because the card my mom gave me doesn't work, I'm out of cash, and my bank isn't here. I put on a mask, like I used to do at high school, that says everything is fine and life is great. When asked how I'm doing I smile and say good! When asked what my favorite thing is here I say I don't know, because I honestly can't think of one thing... besides the food. I'm falling away from everything because I don't have a place to call home. College is not what I thought it would be. It has it's good days and it's bad days... and right now.. I just want to go home... or curl up and be held.

The question remains.

Why am I here?

So far, so good... er... okay...

So, college is good so far... I guess. Well, when you take out the feeling horrible because of allergies or something, then yeah, it's good. :) I've been becoming more outgoing, but I don't want to be because of my runny nose and cough. It kind of puts a dampener on things.

Anyway, classes are good. And I might be in a band soon. We'll see. They were looking for a singer/songwriter... but I'm really not good a writing songs... I've written lyrics before, but I always loose the tune. At any rate, I can sing, so I offered that and the guy that was looking seemed pretty excited. So, hopefully that pans out.

I ran into two of the people I knew from church back home and that was cool. They're older than me... by two years... so they make sure I'm doing okay and what not. That's pretty cool. :) My anniversary with my boyfriend is tomorrow. It will be two YEARS since we got together! Can you believe it?! Already?! But it's coming upon us! He's coming up here to celebrate with me, and I am really looking forward to that. It will be another highlight of my week.

Speaking of highlights of my week, I went to a student led devo Wednesday night and it was REALLY good! I really felt welcomed and like they WANTED me to be there. It felt really good. I mean, most of the time, I am walking down the side walk and girls look at me and most of the time I just feel judged. Even by one of my own suite-mates! Although... last night was kinda different. I was coughing up a storm in the bathroom, trying not to wake my room-mate, and she came in and asked if I was okay and if I wanted some tea. I don't know... I just need to get out of this allergy slump and be more outgoing, I guess.

But yeah, that's been my week so far. I got to talk to my parents and my sister and my grandparents last night over ichat. That was cool. It brightened my day... er... night. lol! Oh! I left my key in my dorm this morning. So I had to write my name down and what not. Thankfully, this is the first time, and, hopefully, last, it happened.

Anyway, that is pretty much it... I'm looking forward to seeing my family on the 25th for the Jason Mraz concert! That's right! He's coming here! Dr. Dogg is coming... but... it sounds kinda... yeah... lol! They are trying to get Paramore to come next semester. I REALLY hope they do because that would be freaking AWESOME! Ah... this is good... :)

Neways! I think that is all I have to say... *waits for a moment* .... Yeah! That's it! Haha!

Lates!

Ick

Well, today... was not the best of days, though better than yesterday. See, I had a sore throat... that escalated into a cough and runny nose... and perhaps a low fever last night. Today, the sore throat is gone, the coughing is lessened, the runny nose is lessened, and if there was a fever, that is gone too.

Needless to say, I sound nasaly and I can't sing very well... or talk for that matter. It's dreadful. So, that's really all that is going on.... WAIT!!! I just got a package from my mommy!! I got a new camera!!! It's SOOO cool!!! It's got a place on the front so you can see what you're taking when you are looking at the front, and it's touch screen, and has a border of red! I'm excited. I love my mommy. :)

On that note... here's some pics!

My desk in my dorm. :)

My drawers... and poster... and snack/breakfast stuff... oh! And my red lamp. haha! :)

Me... testing my new camera... It's not a TERRIBLE picture...

It's funny, isn't it...

It's funny, isn't it, that for so long, when asked how we are doing, we smile and exclaim, "Good!" when in all reality we are falling apart.

It's funny, isn't it, that when we claim to be "real" we can't even tell anyone that we just want to quit.

It's funny, isn't it, that when we ask how someone is doing, we don't really care.

It's funny, isn't it, that we think we are being so kind and caring, but we don't even say hi to the person sitting alone.

It's funny, isn't it, that most people feel like nobody really cares.

It's funny, isn't it, that most people really don't care.

It's funny, isn't it, that we claim to be the body of Christ, yet we don't move out of our comfort zone.

It's funny, isn't it, how people everyday come closer to giving up and loosing all hope, because they feel they are worthless.

It's funny... isn't it?

Fianally, my world is shrinking!

Okay... that probably sounds really weird. But I am SO happy about it! I have a speech class with someone I met LONG ago, and a few doors down is someone I used to hang out with at Bandina (church camp)! I also ran into one of the guys that went to Saturn Road. :) Of course, it helps that I've been to all of my classes and I am learning my way around the campus better. I've also noticed, that as all this is happening, my confidence has been growing! Maybe I'll put myself out there before the week ends... or... next week... hahaha!

Anyway, I went to my kinesiology, or wellness, class and the teacher is funny! So, I am actually excited about it! I know right! Who would be excited about a class where you either work out, or have lectures about how to be well? But I am! I think that the way a teacher presents him or herself, and how they approach and conduct their class, has a lot to do with weather I'm going to like it or not. What is really funny though, is my speech, or communications, teacher is my kinesiology teacher's brother. And they are alike in how they deal with their classes. Therefore, I am, surprisingly, excited about speech! I have a feeling that Tuesdays and Thursdays are going to be my fun days. Haha!

Unfortunately, though, I have to go out and buy a BUNCH of stuff for my art class tomorrow. Ugh. Though the funny thing is, my teacher grew up and went to church where I did... er... do.. something... ANYWAY! Haha! So, that is pretty cool. :) I'd better go get those before the store closes... *sigh*

But anyway, overall today was a really good day! Thank you, God! ^.^ Well, ta ta for now!