So, I was at home Thanksgiving week and it was the same routine as every year. Clean, clean, clean, clean, Thanksgiving, clean. Though we did manage to see a couple movies in between all the cleaning. One of the movies was Tangled, which is a GREAT movie, by the way. I came out of the movie and the week went on. I realized that my life is much like Rapunzel's. When I am at home I am "trapped" in my house. I have to ask to go out. I am confined to the house when I can't go out unless it is with my parents. Even here I am more or less restricted. I have to make certain grades to get a certain GPA (3.5) to keep my car. And I have to keep a 3.0 to keep my scholarship to keep coming to Harding. This summer I am going to have to get a job and go to school. I was going to go up to Washington to work in my aunt and uncle's pizza shop this summer after taking some Maymester courses. But the main perk of that, besides making some good money, was getting to hang out with my cousin. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen now. (More on that later.) So, now i have to try and find a job in Dallas and figure out which of the courses at the community college are the ones I need to take and how much they are going to be and how long they are going to be. Right now, there was a course that I need to take or something that starts the day after I get back from here. Personally, that is NOT okay with me. I have so much stress because of all this that it's not even funny. I mean, I am freaking out because of finals because I want to keep my car. My parents told me they would drive me up here and back if I didn't have a 3.5. That is a 12 hour drive. I swear, I want to scream or run or something.
As for my ruined summer plans, my cousin is going into the Air Force. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the men and women that fight for our freedom, but I don't want my cousin or my good friends to be the ones risking their lives. I'm proud that he found what he wants to do and that he has the guts to do it... but I'm not happy. If he gets deployed before his four years are up, which is more than likely, I am going to worry to death! I already have a friend who is in the army... he got deployed to Afghanistan around August and I haven't heard from him since. Needless to say, I'm a little worried about him. Every time that I hear anything about the war now or about our troops, I'm going to think of Ry, my cousin. I heard the word war today and my heart dropped. *sigh*
Of course, then I have a friend that is going through a lot of stuff and I don't know how to help her. And it doesn't help that I can feel her pain. And then my other friend is going through something else and this guy is even bugging me, but I can't do anything because she wants, and needs, to do it in her own. The thing is, she is WAY too nice.
So, right now I just kinda want someone to hold me and tell me it is going to be okay and that I can do it and there is nothing to worry about... the only thing is, there are only two people who can do that... and the closest one is 12 hours away in Lubbock. It sucks because I really wish he was here. I'll be sitting in class and, randomly, I'll want to just run out of class and run, of four legs like a wolf (like, I don't know why, shift into a wolf) and run all the way to Lubbock just to be with him. I really need him here right now because he is the one that can calm me down and make everything better. When he holds me close I know that he isn't going anywhere and that he loves me for who I am, even when I am having a meltdown. The other person is Ry and he is in Washington and there is no way that I am going to get to see him anytime soon. The earliest would be January and that is only if my parents let me fly up to Washington for a week. I am going to have to BEG them... :(
Ugh. So yeah... that's pretty much everything that is going on and all the crap I am going through right now. Most days I just want to quit. 'Course, it doesn't help that is like 30 degrees outside. Oh! And when we went shopping, my checkbook came in on Sat. before we left, but the post office here is closed until Monday. So yeah.... I am going to have to go get my boots and everything to make the desserts for my speech on Monday... and I need gas... UGH!!! Sometimes I hate life..... #v.v
But I guess that is just life......