Tuesday, March 3, 2015

The Love of God

Do you know the extent of God's love for you?

You may say, "Well, yes. He is my Father."

Guess what? He loves you MORE than just a father. It's true, a father's love is insanely deep. However, not only does God want to be your Father, he wants to be the lover of your soul!

Let's go back to the scripture for a moment. You remember in Genesis there is this guy named Abram, whose name gets changed to Abraham. He makes a covenant with God and from Abraham and Sarah come the Israelites. It's a story we are told as kids, right? Minus the bloody, nasty parts, of course. Don't want kids throwing up or having nightmares now, do we! But isn't everything in the bible important? Of course. In fact, it's actually an integral part of the story! (A lot of my knowledge comes from Ray Vander Laan. If you want to check out his stuff go to www.followtherabbi.com.)

In Genesis 15, Abram asks God how he would know that God would give him all the things God has promised. (This is called chutzpah is Hebrew, which is like persistence. But I won't get into that right now.) So God tells Abram to go get a cow, a goat, a ram. a dove, and a pigeon. What he doesn't tell Abram is what to do with them. However, Abram apparently already knows what to do. This tells us that this was a cultural ritual. (It still is in some places.) What this ritual was is that terms would be made between men and they would agree on the terms, unless it was between a greater party and a lesser party in which the greater party will set the terms. They would then kill the animals and place them where the blood would pool in a valley. Once there was a river of sorts, they would each pick up their tunics, take off their sandals, and walk through the blood. In doing this each would be saying, "If I break my promise, you can do this to me." ("This" being killing and walking in the blood.)

Gross, right? No wonder they didn't tell us this part in Sunday morning Bible class! But if we think about it, God's willingness to do this ritual for Abram's sake shows his immense love! He is the God of the universe for goodness sake. He could have just said, "Because I said so!"

So let's continue with what the text says. Abram then waits for God, making sure the birds of prey stay away from the carcasses. (Again, gross!) The sun starts going down and Abram falls asleep. In his sleep, he realizes what his end of the bargain is, to be blameless, and he because terrified. No kidding. Abram knew that if he even stuck his little toe in that blood, he was a dead man and the promises God had for him would be no more. So, then a smoking pot "walks" through the blood. (This would have been a pot with holes in it that women would have in their tents to put the burning coals in from that days fire and put the top on. It would then smoke all night and the women would then pour out the coals the next morning to make the next days fire with.) This represents God as the greater party would always go first. Thus, it was Abram's turn. The text doesn't say this, but it's as if he walked up to the valley and God, the torch, and moved him out of the way saying, "No wait. I've got this." God walks through the blood a second time. God is saying, "If YOU break YOUR promise, YOU can do this to ME."

At this moment, Jesus was sentenced to death on the cross.

Let that sink in for a moment.

When I told that to the Jr. High students at church Wednesday and their minds were blown. They couldn't believe that no one had connected those dots and told them about it before!

There's more. "What?" Oh yeah!

Fast forward to Exodus. Moses has lead the Israelites out of Egypt and they have stopped at Mount Sinai. This is where I think, "Oh, yeah. This is where God gives the ten commandments!" There's more to the story. This isn't just where God sets ten rules the Israelites have to follow. This is a wedding. God marries his people. The ten commandments weren't two tables with 5 on each one, it was 10 on each, a Ketubah, a contract. This is still practiced in Jewish wedding today, Instead of having vows, the bride and groom will write up a contract each to God of what kind of a husband and wife each will be. Ray Vander Laan read the first one, "You shall have no other idols before me" in this new light as so: "I will have no other lovers."

Powerful, right? "Didn't something happen with the Israelites while Moses was on the Mountain?" Yes. The golden calf. See, while Moses was getting the Ketubah from God, the Israelites decided that he wasn't coming back and so they needed a new god. They melted down their earrings and from it made a golden calf and started worshiping it, throwing a big party. (We won't get into what kind of party it was, but I will say it wasn't G rated. Even Ray Vander Laan didn't want to get into it.)

Fun fact: instead of wedding rings on their fingers, the Hebrews would wear rings in their ears, earrings. Wait, what did they melt down? Their earrings. Their wedding rings. During the wedding between God and his people, his people cheat on Him! You'd think he'd be done with them. Seriously, if it was my wedding and I found out something like that, the wedding would be off! But God doesn't do that. He keeps loving them! He purifies them and then the wedding resumes.

Now that is love. Pure love. Not just from a Father but from a spouse who loves unconditionally and intimately. To know that this is the kind of love that God has for us, and not just the Father/Child relationship that everyone talks about, speaks deeply to me!

Think about our young girls! For them to know that they can be fulfilled in every way because they have a God that loves them as a beautiful bride could be life-changing! They could know that they don't need to look for love from outside sources, from boys their age who are struggling with the same things that they are. Plus, thinking back on my own life, I think I may have looked at some things differently if I had thought of God as my husband and not just my Father. God is our Father, but he is also the lover of our souls. Yes, lover. He wants to know us as deeply as a spouse. Deeper even!

I think that this thought might bring a new perspective to our girls as they look at their relationship with God and what they do with their lives. It sets a new light on "God is always with you." It's no longer God the Father watching you and making sure you don't mess up and when you do He is going to punish you, it's more that God is with me because He loves me deeply and he WANTS to be with me, he CHOSE me.

There is a song by Francesca Battistelli called "He Knows My Name" in which the bridge says:
He calls me chosen
Free, forgiven
Wanted, child of the King
His forever
Held and treasured
I am loved.
Not only does this speak to being a child of God but, in my opinion, also a lover, a spouse, of God. Wanted, His Forever, Held and Treasured, Chosen, Loved; these are all things that a husband would say to his wife (and visa versa). My husband wants me, I am his forever, he holds and treasures me, he chose me, he loves me. As well, I want my husband, he is mine forever, I hold and treasure him, and I love him.

Imagine some things that girls fall into because of the world we live in. What if they had the mindset that when they start worshiping something besides him that they have cheated on him? How would that impact them? Would they still do some of the things the world likes to tempt them with? How does that impact you?!

Just as we all have a love language, God has a love language. His love language is obedience. Just as I feel loved when someone gets me a thoughtful gift, God feels loved when I obey His commands.

I will show God that I love Him by keeping His commandments. I know I am going to mess up, but I know that He is going to forgive me when I do. Because of His love I will strive to be blameless. His love is my motivation. He is the lover of my soul. Is He yours?

Friday, February 27, 2015

Writing Inspiration

Yesterday, as I was browsing Facebook, I came across a picture of Patricia Briggs New Book "Dead Heat" (coming March 3rd!) posted by Binge Reads with a message that said she would be answering questions that day in the comments! Needless to say, I got excited.

As I was looking through the amazing questions people were asking, I wondered what I would ask her. I saw another person ask about writing and, as an aspiring writer (sort of), I thought I would do the same! I always do get stuck somewhere in the middle because I'm not sure where to go.

SHE ANSWERED! (Excuse me while I "fangirl" for a minute.)

Here's the question and her answer:
  • Elisabeth Ellsworth How do you know where to go with the story? I always start a story and then get stuck because I don't know where it's going.

    HUGE fan! Can't wait for Dead Heat!!
    Like · Reply · 1 · 21 hrs · Edited
    • Pat Briggs Story begins: Character in a place with a problem.
      Unlike · 2 · 20 hrs
    • Pat Briggs Story continues: Character tries to solve the problem with the following possible results: solves problem only to learn that wasn't the real problem 2. Fails to solve problem, problem worsens. 3. Partially solves problem and has to go back to the drawing board.
      Unlike · 2 · 20 hrs
    • Pat Briggs Repeat last step at least twice (no more than four in a novel). Then conclusion.
      Unlike · 2 · 20 hrs
    • Pat Briggs This isn't the only way to write a story, but it gives you a hint on how to get over the middle doldrums where the introduction of characters, setting and problem is over and you know where you want to end it--but you don't know what to do with the middle three hundred pages.
      Unlike · 2 · 20 hrs
    • Pat Briggs Good luck!
      Unlike · 3 · 20 hrs

In light of this amazing author answering little-ol-me's question (and wishing me good luck! *fangirling*), I thought I might pick up writing again. What she said struck me. The story begins with a character in a place with a problem. However, my characters seem to get themselves into problems that I don't know how to solve. (Yes, my characters do come to life to some extent in my brain and they tell me their story. Apparently, much like Patricia Briggs!)
Thus, it seems my problem is not thinking about the problem thoroughly enough. Imagine that. :P Now the biggest problem: Do I start with completely new stories or do I try and figure out how to make the current ones, that I have been working on for years, work. To have all of that work be for nothing makes me a little sad. On the other hand, if they weren't really good stories to begin with and I can't find a way to get the characters out of their predicament and into a happy ending, why waste any more time on them?

Perhaps it is time to evaluate where I got the inspiration for those stories in the first place. Perhaps I just need to find inspiration for a new story. Maybe Tanner and I will look at the one he started and collaborate on that one. Maybe inspiration will strike and I will find a story that flows and has a solvable problem.

I know I can't force it, but when it does happen, I will take some of Patrica's advice to another aspiring writer and try and write at least two pages a day.

Thank you so much to Patricia Briggs for answering my question and inspiring me to try once again!

If you want to check out any of her books, go to www.patriciabriggs.com! I am in love with her Mercy Thompson series and Alpha Omega series! Did I mention that Dead Heat (Alpha and Omega series) is coming out on March 3rd? Because it is! YAY!

Keep on keeping on!

Friday, February 13, 2015

"O Be Careful Little Eyes What You See."

O be careful little eyes what you see
O be careful little eyes what you see
There's a Father up above
And He's looking down in love
So, be careful little eyes what you see
O be careful little ears what you hear...
O be careful little hands what you do...
O be careful little feet where you go...
O be careful little mouth what you say...
There has been a lot of buzz about a new movie that is coming out. Some would say it is harmless. Some would say it's just entertainment. Some think it's something it's not. Y'all know what I'm talking about. 50 Shades of Grey.

I don't want to talk a whole lot on this subject, but I feel that I need to say something. Friends, please, do your research before going to the movie. See what the actors playing the characters have to say. See what doctors who have analyzed the words have said. See the reviews of the book and the movie. Not just the raving ones of those who "absolutely love it." Read the ones of women and men who you look up to. Read the ones of those who didn't like it.

Most of all, think of what is in the book and the movie. Not the "love story." Think of those scenes that you skipped over because they were just a little too graphic. Ask yourself what you were feeling.

Was is true? Was it pure? Was it holy? (Philippians 4:8)
O be careful little eyes what you see.
O be careful little ears what you hear.
For the things that you see and hear will surely affect you in more ways than you would think.

Keep on keeping on.

P.S. In no universe will a woman change a man. Only God can change someone and only when that person wants to change. Been there. Done that. Please don't fall in the trap that you can "help"/change a person. If a guy/girl is a cheater, he/she will cheat on you. If a guy/girl is a liar, he/she will lie to you. If a guy/girl is abusive (in any way), he/she will abuse you. In the end, you will be the one changed.

Articles to consider reading:
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/film/fifty-shades-grey-and-abuse

http://www.megmeekermd.com/2015/02/a-psychiatrists-letter-to-young-people-about-fifty-shades-of-grey/

https://www.lifesitenews.com/static/even-the-co-stars-think-50-shades-of-grey-is-awful-rubbish-and-maybe-even-a.html

http://www.scissortailsilk.com/2015/02/10/christian-women-and-christian-grey/

Monday, January 19, 2015

Are You Cruising?

This past weekend I was at a Women's Retreat. (My first women's retreat ever.) The theme was "The Filling Station." Our guest speaker, Vanessa Bonner, spoke about the dangers of cruising the first night. Thinking back, I know what that looks like.

In High School I was running on empty. I looked for other ways to fill myself up. When I felt especially empty, I tried to harm myself. I had a dull knife and thought that physical pain would relieve my emotional emptiness. (I didn't manage to do any real harm.) Mostly, I went to guys. I LONGED for a relationship. Junior year, I got my wish. I met a guy and we started dating. I started felling like I was full. Everything was going good. I was cruising. I graduated and went to college. There I started to feel the drain again. My boyfriend, little by little, stopped talking to me, I felt like I was drowning at school, I didn't think my friends really liked me; I was feeling the drain once again. Not knowing how to fix it, I turned once again to my dull knife. This time I managed to get past the initial layers of skin and make a thin red line. I stopped at that point. I knew it was wrong.

I talked to my cousin and we conjured a plan. I would take a year off from school and come live with him and his parents in Vancouver, Washington. My parents obviously hated this plan and tried to talk me out of it. However, I was bound and determined. So, with a ticket bought by my cousin, I was Washington bound. However, it wasn't a fix all. I still felt drained and empty. I would wait and wait, constantly checking my phone for a text from my boyfriend (who didn't like my decision to move because it would put us father apart, but he would support my decision). Eventually, I would just text him. When I would call him, we would sit in silence. (There was the background noise of video games.) My cousin saw this and insisted I break it off. After much mental debate, more insisting from my cousin, I broke it off. It's the hardest thing I'd ever done.

After a few days, things were looking up. It was like a weight was lifted. I was a free woman! Everything was great! I was having a blast, I got on eharmony, I had a job and my Aunt and Uncle's Pizza restaurant, Vancouver Pizza Company, (best pizza ever, by the way); I was cruising again. I met Tanner on eharmony and we started dating. My mom offered me a job at her law office, so I moved back home. Then I went up to Ohio, where Tanner lived, to help him move down to Louisiana. When he proposed the weekend before my birthday, I felt like the happiest girl alive! Well, until our wedding day about three months later. We went on our honeymoon, I got settled in Louisiana, we found an amazing congregation where we would later place membership; life was great.

Then I got a call from my mom at 8:00 am on October 31st. My grandpa had gone into the bedroom to wake up my grandma only to find that she was gone. My world came crashing down. It was one of those times when you're holding the phone and you don't know what to do or what to say.

(I can't say that the whole time Tanner and I were dating, the engagement, and then the marriage I was completely cruising. I remember growing more than I had in a while in that time. However, I don't think I was completely filling myself with God either. I wasn't looking to Him as much as I should have.)

After the funeral and a few months had passed, I started cruising again. (I had not learned my lesson.) Tanner and I bought our first house, I got a job at Chick-fil-a to help with bills and to try and start a savings fund, and things were going pretty well. It wasn't long until I started to feel really drained, like I was running on empty. Tanner and I were working with the youth and I didn't feel like I had anything to give them because I didn't have anything at all! My general manager quit, another manager quit, things started going downhill fast. Somehow, I injured my knee and it hurt to stand. Thus, Tanner and I decided it was best for me to quit. I thought I had built up enough and we weren't relying on my paycheck. Well, Tanner had a couple months he didn't get a bonus. My "build-up" ran dry. We were having some financial trouble. I kept sitting there thinking, "God will provide. He will lead us to green pastures." He did. He gave us just enough. However, I was still on empty. I wasn't listening. I was just crying out for God to save me. I couldn't hear him over my cries.

Eventually, it got to the point where I needed to get a job. I started putting in applications, praying God would lead me to the right one, praying for God to save me. Eventually, longer than Tanner would have liked, I got a job at a school doing after care. It was good until they docked my hours, because they had the wrong information when they hired me, and then expected us to be tutors, and whole other messes started up.

Somewhere during this, I realized that I didn't need to cruising or filling myself with anything other than God. I started trying to pray every morning. I developed an "outline" for my prayers so I didn't forget to thank him for what he blessed me with or end up just asking for things I wanted or "needed".

I started looking for another job, really asking God what he wanted me to do. One Sunday the sermon was about spiritual gifts. We were all told a site where we could take a test to help you find your spiritual gift. Having always been curious about it, I took it excitedly. Come to find out, my top result was administrative (tasks). This aligned with what I thought I really wanted to do, work in an office, preferably a church. Going off of that, I applied at a place that needed a secretary. I was told they would like to hire me and that I needed to start the hiring process. In this time, I found out that my friend was going to move back to Texas. (Very bittersweet.) Ironically, she was the church "Office Manager". The position I had been praying for since Chick-fil-a was going to be open. (Not that I was praying for her to leave!! I just wanted a position like hers or to be able to work alongside her!) I applied for the job as soon as I found out how. With advice from my husband and my mom, I kept the other job open as a fall-back. God had his plan though. A week after my interview, I was hired. God works in mysterious ways.

When I was asked where I thought I was, I hesitated to say I was full. I knew that I had a drain, as we all do, but I didn't feel the drain like I was going to run on empty anytime soon. Life is good! God is great! Sunday morning, I found my answer to the question of where I was. Vanessa Bonner talked about when we keep ourselves full of God and not ourselves. When we do this we are "draining" into others, but God is constantly filling us. Not only are we "draining" into those around us, we are overflowing into them!

I knew that's where I was. The lesson for me, however, was to make sure I don't start cruising. I know the danger, and I don't want to be there again. I have to remember to stay aware, know when I need to refill and always keep God as my number one. I know Satan is out there ready to hit me with something, but if I stay aware and make sure I am constantly filling myself with God, He will sustain me and I will make it though with His help.

So, my question to you is, where are you? Are you cruising, running on empty, or filled with God and overflowing into those around you?

Keep on keeping on.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Hello, 2015!

It's day two of 2015. Unfortunately, it is a Friday and thus my wonderful husband is at work. However, the first day of 2015 was spent with my delightful family. My husband, obviously, my dad, my mom, and my sister. As well as her boyfriend, Kyle, who is quite a wonderful guy. :)

Thinking about the past year, a lot has things have happened! Tanner and I have lived in our wonderful house for a year, we got our adorable, sometimes frustrating, puppy, Ruby. Our house has a couple of new bookshelves, and a new table, as well as carpet upstairs. I got a job and then a new job, which I start Monday! (I'm super excited about it, if you couldn't tell.)

Another thing I did this past year was get my blood tested with the ALCAT test which tells you which foods your body is reacting to. For example, some foods (different for everyone) will make your white blood cells react in the same way that they would to Ebola. Crazy right? Anyway, I have gotten my results back and thankfully there are only a few things that I can't have. Unfortunately, one of those things in gluten. :P

While I was waiting for the results, however, I had been counting calories and taking a supplement to help suppress my appetite. Just doing that I lost 6 pounds in 3 weeks! It was great! Though I ignored everything for the past two weeks, I only gained back 3.

But now it's back to it. And once all the leftovers are gone and I can find more gluten free, potato free, dairy free, and all the other stuff I can't have free recipes, I will purge those as well!

So, hello, 2015! I think this is going to be a good year. :)

Keep on keeping on.